Have You Fallen into The Conditional Living Trap?
If you answered yes to the above question, congratulations, you’re human. And you’re living a human existence. In fact, this is a very common predicament and lesson for all of us.
What do I mean when I say conditional living? Let me define for you. Conditional living refers to living with conditions always playing in the background, or even the foreground for you. By that I mean that you are happy, content, satisfied, unworried, feeling fine, as long as certain conditions in your life are a “reality.”
So, what sort of conditions? Here are a few:
- You are happy in all of your relationships and things are smooth sailing.
- You are in a harmonious, romantic relationship that makes your heart sing.
- Your career is going really well and you feel inspired and excited about it.
- You live in a home you love and feel safe and secure and happy to be there.
- Your children are all behaving well and making you proud.
- Those close to you are doing what you’d like them to do.
- You have a great group of friends, and you all get along really well.
I think you’re seeing a pattern here, yes?
Certainly, there is nothing wrong with wanting certain conditions in your life to be ideal for you. But here is the thing. Rarely, if ever, are all of the conditions you would like to see occurring in your life at once. You’ve probably noticed that.
So what does this mean in the scheme of things? It means if you are waiting for everything to be just as you would like them to be in order to be happy, feel fulfilled, feel alive, feel excited, well then, you’re going to have a very long wait.
When we live with the idea that all or most things need to be perfect in our world for us to feel perfect, we live in a constant state of lack. And that lack leads to sadness and depression and anxiety….You get the picture.
So, what to do about all of this, because we’re human and we want what we want. Here is another thing to consider, we are living with other humans who want what they want. And sometimes what they want is not what we want.
While we could bemoan the fact that those in our life aren’t doing what we want them to do, or situations or people aren’t presenting themselves as we wish they would, that only keeps us in a depressed, anxious loop, like the spin cycle I wrote about a few newsletters back. Here is a link to that post on my website if you want to refresh yourself on that. It is also akin to diving into the dumpster, and here is a link to that post.
Here is the truth. Living conditionally only leads to misery. It might be a low-grade misery if there are only a few things on your “wish list” that aren’t there, or it can be a deep-dive into depression if many of those things aren’t on your list—especially really important ones.
The problem is, if you’re trying to manifest things into your life, this constant thrum of lack only pushes back all you truly want to have in your life.
The other thing about all of this, and probably the most important point—living a conditional life is truly disempowering. And who wants to live like that? Wouldn’t you rather live an empowered life? A life full of joy simply because you’re alive and you know that you are truly amazing and have high potential right here and right now where you are standing?
Furthermore, when we live conditionally when it comes to other people—for instance, wanting our significant other to do this or say that, or our kids to comply with our wishes, or our boss to notice our talents, we are on our knees at the mercy of their actions. Do you really want to be there?
So how to unstick yourself from the conditional living loop?
Here are some tips:
- Identify all the areas in your life where you are living conditionally—be this people and circumstances and things.
- Acknowledge that you aren’t doing yourself or even those in your life any favors by living this way and expecting things and circumstances that are truly out of your control.
- Vow to identify as you go through your day the various ways you are living conditionally. Record them in some way. At the end of the day, examine your list and vow to stop yourself the following day when you start the, “if only they would do this, or if only this would happen,” then I’ll feel better.
- When you wake up every morning, before you look at your “reality,” begin listing off all of the good things that are happening in your life. Give thanks for everything you can think of at the moment—be they small and “big” things.
- Tackle your day, reminding yourself that you want to be in control of your life and your feelings, and in order to do that you can’t be at the mercy of people or circumstances.
This is a good list to get you started. As I always say, growth and positive change starts with awareness. The more aware we become of our thought processes about something that is no longer serving us and may be harming us, the more our thoughts begin to change and the loop slows down and eventually stops.
I promise you. If you can get off of the conditional living loop, you will feel a sense of power and contentment like you’ve never felt before. And guess what happens when you feel that peace and power?
You begin drawing in like a giant magnet those conditions and experiences that you do want to see in your life. At the same time, you see that you draw in what is truly yours. What your soul is calling you to feel and see and experience. And that is a wonderful way to live!
