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No Lack of Communication

Life with a Deaf Child: The Talbots’ Journey to Communication

When Nita and Lewis Talbot’s daughter, Alaina, was 6 months old, they discovered she was completely deaf.

Early Realization and Challenges

“We probably knew something was wrong with Alaina when she was 4 months old, because when I ground coffee beans every morning, she never startled, but I think we were in denial at first,” says Nita Talbot, 39, of San Juan Capistrano. “It was a hard blow for us.”

After tests confirmed deafness, Talbot was saddened by the realization that their daughter would never hear such simple pleasures as wind blowing through trees.

“I didn’t even let myself think about how the deafness would affect her personal relationships,” Talbot says. “That thought was too painful.”

Relocation for Alaina’s Future

For the Talbots, having a deaf daughter was life-changing. When Alaina was born, they were established in the community of Mammoth Lakes and doing well professionally and personally. No nearby services for deaf children existed, however, so despite their love of the Mammoth Lakes area, they decided to move to Orange County, where Alaina could attend a school for the deaf.

“If we had stayed in Mammoth Lakes, our daughter would have grown up truly isolated and alone, thinking she was the only deaf person in the world,” says Talbot, now an educational sign language interpreter. “We wanted her to have a chance to become literate and reach her potential.”

Alaina’s Success Story

The Talbots’ dream for their daughter, now 10, has come true. Although she started out in deaf classes, Alaina, with her sign language interpreter, has attended the “hearing side” of her school since first grade. Now in fifth grade, she reads far above her grade level and plans to go to college.

“We gave up a lot, but it was worth it,” Talbot says. “We were able to give our daughter the biggest gift–a command of the world around her. Now her future is almost limitless. The experience has also made us draw closer as a family.”

The Challenges of Having a Deaf Family Member

Nine percent of the population age 3 years and older is deaf or hard of hearing, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. There are several causes for hearing loss, including heredity, meningitis, chronic ear infections, rubella during pregnancy, CMV (cytomegalo inclusion virus), and Rh blood factor. Sometimes the cause of deafness is unknown.

Whatever the cause, having a deaf family member has its challenges, says Esther Zawolkow, co-founder of the S.E.E. Center for the Advancement of Deaf Children in Los Alamitos.

“When someone is deaf, communication is challenging and puts a big burden on the family,” Zawolkow says.

Effective Communication with Deaf Children

“People don’t realize how much effort each connection with your deaf child takes,” says Talbot, who signs and speaks to her daughter.

“If you want a well-adjusted deaf child, you need a lot of time and a supernatural amount of patience. Whenever you communicate, you must connect face-to-face and make sure your message is understood. You can’t just yell something across the room.”

Despite the challenges she and the rest of the family have faced communicating with Alaina, Talbot says she feels very close to her daughter.

“Because we must connect every time we communicate, I have a wonderful, rich relationship with Alaina,” Talbot says. “The deafness has taught me how to really listen to her without being distracted, and I know she appreciates my efforts.”

Alaina’s Perspective

Alaina agrees. “I’m glad I can communicate with my parents and sister, because it makes me feel like part of the family, and I love them all very much,” she said through sign language interpreted by her mother.

Communication Approaches for Deaf Children

Some children, like Alaina, are completely deaf and need sign language to communicate. Others may have residual hearing and find lip-reading possible.

The S.E.E. Center encourages families to use a total communication approach, which includes sign language, speech training, and lip-reading. Even when a child can lip-read, signing is still valuable for the family.

“When family members sign, it opens up all kinds of doors for communication,” says Zawolkow. “Without their own language, deaf children feel isolated. When the family can communicate through signing, deaf children are exposed to the world around them and learn the way hearing children do.”

Growing Interest in Sign Language

Although not every family member knows signing, an increasing number of people are learning the language, says Zawolkow. “Our sign language classes are always full. Parents, siblings, grandparents, and other extended family often attend.”

Case Study: The Rosen Family

Larry Rosen’s son, Christopher, 7, has very little hearing but is able to lip-read well. The family also uses sign language to communicate.

“When we discovered that he was deaf at age 2, we decided it was best to use all modes of communication so we could give him every possible advantage,” says Rosen, 45, president of the S.E.E. Center and a professor of psychology at Cal State Dominguez Hills.

Rosen’s family learned to sign to communicate with Christopher, including his grandmother, who was in her 70s at the time.

Additional information can be found in “How to Raise a Deaf Child”, available at many bookstores.

THE KINDEST CUTS

How to Prune Deciduous Fruit Trees in Winter for a Healthy Summer Harvest

Pruning does more than make a tree look good–it’s important to its health. In the case of deciduous fruit trees, trimming well now will give you a good crop.

All fruit trees need proper watering and fertilizing, but the key to good production for deciduous fruit trees may surprise you. How well a tree fruits in the summer depends on how you prune it in January.

This month–while they’re dormant–is the perfect time to prune many summer-bearing fruit trees such as peaches, plums, apples, nectarines, and apricots.

“To keep a deciduous fruit tree producing good amounts of high-quality fruit on a consistent basis, it’s important to prune in January,” said James Barry, a consulting arborist in Orange. “Waiting until the tree starts to bud out is not a good idea, because this will disturb the tree’s physiology.”

The main goal of pruning is to renew or preserve fruiting wood–the wood that bears the fruit. Without healthy, well-preserved fruiting wood, a tree isn’t likely to produce well.

Importance of Proper Pruning

Bill Gelling, past president of the Foothill Chapter of the California Rare Fruit Growers, has 55 fruit-bearing trees in his Fullerton yard. He recalls the year he failed to prune an apple tree–and the resulting poor crop.

“The tree grew upright, and there was just a little fruit at the tips of branches,” he said. “When apples aren’t pruned and allowed to grow, they will grow upward and produce too much shade for fruiting. Apple tree branches actually need to be spread out for good fruit production.”

Citrus trees should not be treated the same way as deciduous fruit trees. The only pruning citrus generally require is thinning out crossing branches and removing sprouts that develop at the base of the tree.

Many deciduous trees fruit on branches that are a year or more older. For this reason, it’s important to know what you’re doing before you wield the pruning shears. Over-pruning can be just as damaging as under-pruning.

“Some fruit trees have fruiting wood that is 2 to 3 years old,” Gelling said. “If you accidentally cut off those branches, you won’t have fruit again for a few years.”

“Pruning for fruiting requires striking a balance,” said Fullerton consulting arborist Alden Kelley. “There’s an art to fruit tree pruning; you need to use logic and intuition and work with each tree according to its individual growth habits and fruit production.”

Age is also a factor. In general, in the first few years, you train a tree for form. When the tree becomes more established, you concentrate on preserving the fruiting wood.

Don’t be surprised if your pruned fruit tree doesn’t look all that attractive. “Properly pruned fruit trees tend to have a stubby, uneven look,” Barry said. This occurs because most fruit tree pruning involves heading, or cuts to shorten branches. Thinning or removing entire branches isn’t done as much because you could cut off fruiting wood.

Finding Fruiting Wood

There are three ways to find fruiting wood:

  • Remember where the tree flowered and fruited the year before. Take a picture in summer for reference.
  • Look for clusters of buds on branches. These will produce flowers and fruit.
  • Know your specific tree. For example, peaches fruit on 1-year-old wood, while plums show bud clusters.

Basic Pruning Rules

  • When shortening a branch, ensure there is a side branch one-third to one-half its diameter to take over.
  • Always cut out crossing branches to prevent rubbing and disease.
  • Don’t cut into the branch collar near the trunk. Leave a few inches to avoid disease and maintain water supply.

Trees that have been neglected or incorrectly pruned can be saved. “If you prune a tree slowly in stages over a couple of years and allow it to store energy, you can get a tree to fruit again,” Barry said.

Light summer pruning after fruiting also helps prevent damage and improves light access. It’s during summer that trees store energy for the following season.

Fruit Thinning

Fruit thinning is also key to a good crop:

  • Peaches and nectarines: Thin fruit 8–12 inches apart when olive-sized.
  • Apricots and plums: Thin 4–6 inches apart.
  • Apples: Spacing depends on variety.

How to Prune Popular Deciduous Fruit Trees

Apples

Apples are the most complex to prune. Some bear on permanent short spurs. Don’t damage these spurs. Mature trees require branch spreading more than heavy pruning to promote light penetration and fruiting.

Apricots

Look for small bud clusters. Older varieties fruit on 1-year-old wood. Newer varieties may use 2–3-year-old wood. Cut above buds and head long branches just above fruiting wood.

Peaches and Nectarines

These should be pruned hardest. Remove two-thirds of new shoots and shorten the rest by two-thirds. Fruiting wood is last year’s growth.

Plums

Plums fruit on 1–2-year-old wood. Look for bud clusters. Thin out suckers growing on older wood and head back other branches just above the buds.

Additional information can be found in “How to Prune Fruit Trees” by R. Sanford Martin, available at many nurseries.

For Some, Holidays Are a Season of Loss

The Emotional Toll of the Holiday Season for Grieving Parents

When Denise Crofton’s only child passed away 3 1/2 years ago, she felt as if she died with her 18-year-old daughter, Alexa. Since that tragic day in May 1991, Crofton has found all holidays, except her daughter’s birthday, impossible to celebrate.

“Christmas was always a wonderful time for us, but without Alexa, my husband and I just can’t handle the festivities. It’s too painful,” says Crofton, 46, who moved from Orange County to San Diego after her daughter’s death.

“Even though we know Alexa would want us to celebrate, we just can’t. We don’t decorate, send out Christmas cards or go into the stores during the holidays,” she says.

Although the holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy, comfort, and fellowship with loved ones, it can be an emotionally difficult time for individuals who have lost a loved one, says Costa Mesa marriage, family, child counselor Elizabeth Slocum.

“People are acutely aware of the fact that they no longer buy a present for the deceased person and that there is an empty chair at the dinner table,” she says, adding that holidays trigger feelings of grief and loss.

How the Loss is Felt During the Holidays

How deeply the loss is felt during the holiday season depends on a number of factors, including who the loved one was, how he or she died, and how far along a person is in the grieving process.

“The bereavement process is often more difficult for the person who lost a loved one suddenly, and if the deceased is his or her child. That can take a lifetime to get over,” says Slocum. “Every Christmas, parents can’t help but think of what could have been.”

Denise Crofton says that it’s too painful to think about what life could have been like for her pretty, athletic, outgoing daughter. “When we see babies, it kills us to know that we’ll never be grandparents and our daughter will never be married,” she says. “It’s very difficult to think about, so we try not to.”

The Croftons find the holiday season as painful today as it was the first November and December they spent without her.

Memories of the First Holidays Without Alexa

“Our first Thanksgiving we went to a coffee shop at 4 in the afternoon for turkey, dressed in terrible, dirty sweats. That first Christmas we drove through the Pacific Northwest and spent Christmas morning in a hotel room holding onto each other and crying,” she says.

Subsequent holidays haven’t been any easier for the Croftons. “We thought the pain would soften, but it hasn’t,” she says.

Crofton’s daughter, Alexa, was found to have incurable adrenal cancer in late January 1991, and died less than four months later at St. Joseph Hospital in Orange. Although she had been suffering from a variety of symptoms since her senior year in high school, doctors didn’t diagnose her condition until she became seriously ill and returned home during her first year at college in Indiana.

By the time doctors removed the tumor in her left adrenal gland, the cancer had spread throughout her body. Despite doubts, she did survive surgery and spent the next few weeks in and out of the hospital until she told her mother she loved her and died in her father’s arms on May 27, 1991.

Since their daughter’s death, the Croftons have received many invitations to friends’ houses for the holidays, but they always decline.

The Pain of Holiday Celebrations After Loss

“It is too difficult for us to celebrate the holidays,” says John Crofton, 54, who retired in 1985 from an executive position with a fast-food restaurant chain to spend more time with his daughter.

“The void is tremendous,” he says. “We had it so good and now we can’t have it, so why bother watching another family celebrate? I suppose there’s a little bit of jealousy involved.”

John Crofton looks back fondly on their last Christmas together, which was a little more than a month before Alexa’s cancer was diagnosed.

Remembering Alexa During the Holiday Season

“We normally open presents in the morning with the entire extended family, but that particular Christmas we decided to open them on Christmas Eve, just the three of us. Alexa really enjoyed that,” he says.

Although they won’t celebrate, remembering their daughter during the holiday season is important to the Croftons.

“We talk about Alexa and the good times we shared,” says John Crofton. “Whenever something triggers a memory, we’ll share it with each other and other people. We are very open to hearing from her friends as well.”

Talking About Loved Ones

People who have lost someone like to talk about the person and like others to mention him or her, says Denise Crofton.

“I love it when people say her name,” she says. “The more people mention Alexa and talk about her, the more therapeutic it is for me. The absolute worst would be if she was forgotten.”

Thirty friends visited Alexa in the hospital the day before she died and there were 750 to 800 people at her funeral. Even though she’d only attended college in Indiana for one semester, 100 people showed up at her memorial service there.

When a Crush Is the Primer for Love, the Life Lessons Can Be Rewarding

High School Crushes: The Impact of Teenage Infatuations

When I was in ninth grade, I had a crush on a gorgeous senior football player. As I made my way to science class each day, I would usually pass him in the hall. Sometimes he’d notice me and smile, which sent me into a tailspin for at least an hour.

Though crushes seem anything but natural when they cause our breathing to become uneven and our legs to shake, they are actually a normal part of growing up, says Kimberlee Hancock, a licensed marriage, family and child counselor with KAH & Associates in Tustin.

Understanding Crushes

“When we have a crush, we admire someone for whatever positive characteristics we believe the person has,” she says. “It’s not unusual to have a crush on an older person, such as a teacher or upper classmates. Crushes on someone very different are also common. A bookworm may find someone who walks on the wild side intriguing and vice versa.

“Crushes are safe and generally not known, which means there’s no fear of rejection,” Hancock says.

As we age, crushes change in tone.

“When we are young, we often don’t act on the crushes. But once we reach high school, we may start to verbalize our feelings and make a move of some sort,” Hancock says.

high school hallway

Because they occur at a time when we are changing so rapidly, high school crushes carry a lot of emotional weight, she says. They are our first experiences with life outside of the family.

Reunions and the Confessions of Crushes

No doubt it’s high school crushes that often lead us years later to class reunions.

  • “Once you leave school, life as it was is never the same,” Hancock says. “When we think about crushes, it reminds us of that special time.”
  • “Many of us go to reunions to rekindle those memories. We also go back genuinely curious to see what happened to someone we had a crush on.”

At high school reunions, it’s not uncommon for people to confess their crushes. Telling all can sometimes be therapeutic.

“When a person confesses, it takes the energy and emotion out of the crush and gives a sense of closure,” Hancock says.

For the person who didn’t know about the crush, it can be flattering.

Sherry, who is single, says she kept a low profile in high school and didn’t think she was very memorable. Since then, the 48-year-old self-employed Orange word processor has been shocked to hear how many people had crushes on her in high school.

“At my 20th reunion, a former classmate came up to me and said that he and four other men would leave their wives for me; they all had big crushes on me in high school. My first reaction was, ‘Why didn’t you tell me then?'”

Recently, at her 30th reunion, Sherry was approached by a classmate who recalled seeing her walk in the door the first day of seventh grade.

“He said he remembers thinking, there she is, and he’s had a crush on me ever since,” she says. “We’re going out for dinner after all these years.”

The Comfort of Early Crushes

It’s not unusual that people don’t tell one another about crushes in high school, says Hancock. “Because of cliques and the way rumors get started, high school isn’t a safe place to reveal crushes,” she says. “Once you are out of school, you don’t have to see these people on a day-to-day basis, so it’s much safer to tell.”

Finding out that someone you had a crush on felt the same way can be a satisfying experience.

When Carrol, 48, who’s single, recently went to her 30th reunion, she talked with a man she’d had a crush on during her junior year.

“He was on the football team and sat next to me in English class,” says the Tustin graphic designer. “I thought he was really cute and an easy-going guy. I tried to flirt by making all kinds of eye contact, but he didn’t seem to know I was alive–until I started dating a guy from another school. When I walked into class with my new boyfriend’s ring around my neck, he was shocked and began to pay more attention to me,” she says.

reunion photo

When she saw him at their recent reunion, they reminisced.

“It was really nice to know that he remembered me and thought I was attractive then and now,” she says.

While some people like to visit reunions to see the person they had a crush on, others prefer memory to reality. Greg, 41, a married Orange County physician, doesn’t want to see the girl he had a crush on in junior high.

“She was from a community of bikers that lived in our area,” he says. “It was exciting to think I liked her, especially since she was so different from me and ran around with the party crowd.”

When Greg’s dad saw him with her one night, though, he forbid him to see her. He and his family soon moved from the area, and he never saw her again.

“For decades I was mad that he had forbidden me to see her,” he says. “It wasn’t until years later that I understood why. Getting me away from that crowd was the best thing for me. Today that particular group of people have major drug and marital problems. The last I heard, things hadn’t worked out very well for her. I prefer to keep my idealized image of her in the eighth grade.”

First Crush Memories and Their Long-Lasting Impact

Greg’s best memories are of his earlier crushes. “I really miss the innocence and the warm, comfortable, snugly feeling of those young crushes,” he says, recalling his first crush in third grade.

  • “I can still remember her name. She had a long, strawberry blond ponytail. Unfortunately, little girls at the time were more enthralled with horses and she didn’t notice me, even though I chased her and pulled on her ponytail.”
  • Greg’s most memorable crush was the one he had on his fifth-grade teacher. “I will never forget her,” he says. “She was a very pretty brunette woman with a Southern accent. Her soft voice and warm hugs were very comforting.”

There is something special about those early crushes, agrees Hancock. “It’s very comforting to have known someone when you were 10 years old and played with frogs together,” she says. “That kind of comfort starts to disappear in high school and diminishes as we age. Life becomes more fragmented and complex.”

For this reason, it’s very special when childhood friends eventually get together in a relationship, Hancock says. “That history creates a very special bond.”

Reunited Love: Sandra and Steve’s Story

Sandra and Steve Link know about this. In the ’50s, they knew each other in seventh and eighth grade when they took dancing together and raised a 4-H steer.

“I had a huge crush on her,” says Steve Link, 53, who is manager of the Carlsbad Convention and Visitor’s Bureau. “I rode her home on the handlebars of my bike after school.”

Fate intervened, though. After eighth grade, Sandra suddenly moved to Los Angeles to attend an all-girls boarding school to study to become a nun.

“I was sad to never hear from her again,” Steve says.

Several years later, when Steve was planning to marry someone else, he was surprised to hear that Sandra had also married. Then he didn’t hear about her again until a few years after he left his wife of 20 years.

“In 1990, I was living in Oceanside and began to wonder whatever happened to her,” he says. “I had saved the pictures of us back then, including one with our steer, and I thought it would be fun to share them with her.”

He found her, and they met one morning. She had also recently divorced after 20 years. Over the next 2 1/2 years, they dated, and last December they married.

“Your first crush is very powerful. When I look at Steve, I still see a 12-year-old boy, not the 53-year-old man he has become,” says Sandra Link, 53, who works in a Vista manufacturing plant teaching English as a second language and Spanish literacy.

“Steve really is the love of my life,” Sandra says. “Although I’m grateful we finally found one another, I just wish we hadn’t lost all those years.”

Steve says he feels the same way. “We should have been together the whole time,” he says. “When we got back together, it was like we hadn’t skipped a beat since school.”

Meta Description: Explore the emotional significance of high school crushes and how they impact us years later. From reunions to nostalgic memories, discover how early crushes shape our lives.

Exercising Tact When Discussing Old Flames

How Much Should You Talk About Your Ex in a New Relationship?

Most of us have been with a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse when an ex-flame’s name is mentioned. While a little past information is often welcomed, some people don’t know when to stop talking about their old relationships.

Knowing When to Stop

“I don’t have much patience for guys who can’t stop talking about what horrible things old girlfriends did to them,” says Katie, a 25-year-old chemist from Orange. “Once I get the point, I don’t want them to continue.”

Katie also dislikes constant praise of an ex. “Although it’s always nicer when a new boyfriend talks positively about an ex, I don’t think anyone should glorify a former partner,” she says. “It just makes me feel bad. I also wonder, if things were so wonderful, why did they break up?”

She believes in sharing only the essentials. “I say just enough to a current boyfriend to let him know what I didn’t like about a past relationship and what went wrong, so hopefully we won’t repeat the same mistakes. Then I shut up, and I expect him to do the same.”

Why the Past Keeps Coming Up

According to Saeed Soltani, a Santa Ana psychologist who often performs couple therapy:

  • “If a person is continually bringing up a past relationship, he or she hasn’t resolved past issues and those issues are contaminating the current relationship.”
  • “Using comparisons to an ex is destructive. For example, saying ‘You’re acting just like my ex-husband’ drives a wedge between partners.”
  • “Bringing up past partners to provoke jealousy is also unhealthy.”
  • “However, discussing past situations that involved an ex can be appropriate, especially in the early stages of a relationship.”

“Sharing past relationships is a natural part of trying to get to know one another and can reveal valuable information,” says Soltani. “Knowing what worked and didn’t work in the past is a critical part of building a strong foundation for the new relationship.”

What Talking About an Ex Reveals

Although Katie prefers brief mentions of the past, she listens carefully. “What people say about their past relationships is much more revealing than what they say about themselves.”

She notes that how someone discusses an ex can indicate compatibility. “If he describes how something an old girlfriend did bugged him and I do the same thing, then I know we’ve got a problem.”

Setting Boundaries Through Questions

Ann, a 55-year-old Santa Ana lawyer, has her own reasons for wanting to know about a partner’s past:

  • To understand where someone has been sexually.
  • To gauge a man’s attitude toward women. Constantly criticizing former female partners is a red flag.

She uses open-ended, non-threatening questions. “Rather than asking why a man divorced his wife, I will ask how he met his ex-wife. That kind of question doesn’t raise any walls, but the answer can be very revealing.”

Do Men Care About the Past?

Ann has noticed that men often don’t ask about her past, though psychologist Soltani notes that men may still be curious but hide it to avoid appearing weak.

Joe, 29, a sales and marketing director from Irvine, says some women are quiet about the past. “Some women aren’t very verbal or open about the past,” he says.

He prefers honesty early in the relationship. “I think that people should be open right from the beginning, no matter what happened in past relationships. That way the person you’re with knows what he or she is dealing with and will better understand you.”

That said, he’s not a fan of too much detail. “If I really care about a woman and her ex-boyfriend was very bad to her, it just makes me angry with him and want to strike back.”

Some Want the Whole Story

Dave, 40, recently divorced and living in Huntington Beach, says, “Women will want to know every detail about my marriage and what went wrong—exactly what happened and on what dates.”

If he’s close to someone, he’s willing to share. “I not only like to know about a woman’s sexual past, I also think her emotional past is important. It tells me how she deals with relationships and if she takes responsibility.”

“Finding out why a person stayed in a marriage and what happened to the marriage is very revealing.”

Young Parents Narrow the Generation Gap

Families: Early Parenthood Has Its Pluses—Consider the Energy It Takes to Keep Up With Kids. But the Responsibility Can Seem Overwhelming.

Young and Playful: The Nava Family’s Experience

When Margaret Nava, now 23, is out with her 6-year-old son Tony, people often mistake her for his sister. Tony, however, proudly responds, “No, she’s my mom.”

Margaret embraces being a young parent, actively engaging in play with Tony and his friends. “My parents were older, and they didn’t play with me like I play with Tony,” she says. “If I were older, I probably wouldn’t understand half the things he does.”

Psychologist Amy Stark affirms the benefits of youth in parenting: younger parents often retain a playfulness that connects well with children. Additionally, starting a family early means completing the most demanding parenting years before turning 40.

The Psychological and Emotional Struggles

Despite the upsides, early parenthood comes with challenges:

  • Young mothers may struggle with identity development.
  • Couples who marry after having a child often face fragile relationships.
  • Young parents may lack financial stability or career direction.

Arthur Kovacs, a Santa Monica psychologist, adds that while teens are physically ready for parenthood, psychological readiness comes later. He notes that relationships built gradually tend to fare better.

National Perspective on Teen Parenthood

  • According to a 1987 survey, 80% of 18- to 22-year-olds saw teenage parenthood as a negative outcome.
  • Only 15% of mothers aged 17 and younger reported their pregnancy as planned.

Margaret Nava’s Journey

Margaret became a mother at 17 during her senior year of high school. Her partner left when Tony was just 10 months old. Fortunately, her nearby family stepped in to help.

  • Her mother provides childcare while Margaret works (and is paid for her help).
  • Her brothers, Danny and Richard, serve as male role models for Tony.

Margaret completed high school between feedings and worked part-time to buy baby necessities. Later, she pursued training as a medical assistant while juggling a packed schedule:

  • 7 a.m. – 12 p.m.: Phone operator job
  • 2:30 – 7 p.m.: Medical assistant classes
  • Evenings: Dinner, parenting, homework until midnight

She admits to feeling overwhelmed at times, missing out on teenage milestones like her senior trip. But she now has more stability and gratitude for motherhood:

“Without Tony, I think I’d be off partying… Tony and I live really comfortably, and we’re happy.”

The Doughertys: Planning for Young Parenthood

Linda Dougherty planned to have children young and became pregnant at 20. “I wanted to have fun with them, versus there being a big generation gap,” she says.

Though Linda felt prepared, her 21-year-old husband Walter struggled to adapt. He lacked a career and hadn’t attended college, making financial support difficult. “Babies frightened him,” says Linda.

Walter Reflects:

  • He initially avoided responsibility.
  • He worked instead of going to school to support his family.
  • Now, both work in sales and marketing.

The Impact on Their Children

Linda believes children of young parents become independent more quickly. “Younger parents do things older parents wouldn’t, like bringing a 6-week-old to the beach.”

Abigail Dougherty (18):

  • Sees younger parents as helping kids become more “street-smart.”
  • Believes older parents are more protective.
  • Feels emotionally involved in her parents’ issues, which can be confusing.

Breeanne Dougherty (19):

  • Values her parents’ relevant and timely advice.
  • Feels comfortable being honest and open with them.
  • Enjoys a strong, supportive family dynamic.

A Curse on Those Times When ‘Dang’ Just Won’t Do

The Surprising Power of Cussing

One day about a year ago, I stormed into my chiropractor’s office after a careless driver ran me off the road. Using a torrent of unprintable language, I told my doctor exactly what I thought of stupid drivers.

Then I flopped exhausted into a chair beside his desk and apologized. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just upset. Hopefully no one heard me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a laugh. “Cussing is good for you.”

He told me about his 90-year-old mother, who is in “really good shape,” and that she tells people it is because “I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, but I cuss.”

That day was an eye-opener for me. Since then, I’ve come to the conclusion that cussing is indeed good for what ails you. When I’m angry, a steady stream of four-letter words makes me feel much better.

Why Cussing Works

Some faint-mouthed souls might suggest I take a bubble bath or meditate instead. Sure, that sounds great. But when you’re late and caught in traffic or someone has just really ticked you off, turning on the tub or stopping to zone out aren’t really options.

Cussing is:

  • Simple to do
  • Possible almost anywhere
  • Free of cost
  • Instantly gratifying

If you’re worried about upsetting others, you can always cuss in your head and offend no one.

Knowing When and Where

I agree that children should be shielded from harsh language. I have a 3-year-old daughter, and when I’m with her, it’s all “heck,” “shoot,” and “geez.”

But when she’s not around and I’m in private or with close friends, the closet cusser in me emerges.

That said, I can go days without cussing. When you first meet me, I censor my language. I probably won’t cuss in front of you for months.

Quality Over Quantity

Cussing shouldn’t be done just for the sake of it. I can’t stand movies or comedians where every other word is a cuss word — it lacks imagination.

Like anything else, overuse makes it lose its impact. But well-placed, well-chosen cuss words can be powerful. Just ask my husband — he knows how serious things are based on the words I choose.

Sharing the Stress Relief

I’ve even taught close friends how powerful and stress-reducing cussing can be. One friend rarely cussed before we met. Now, after years of friendship, she lets the words fly — much to the shock of her mild-mannered husband.

She even told me cussing works wonders in her marriage. Once, while visiting relatives, her husband refused to move from the couch. She swept by and hissed an unprintable directive. Later, she said, “In our 28 years of marriage, I’ve never seen him move so fast.”

The Cultural Context of Cussing

Some people still avoid “gutter” words, but I question the fuss. Words are what we make of them. We could have branded “phooey” or “fiddlesticks” as offensive, but we didn’t. If cuss words weren’t so stigmatized, maybe they wouldn’t feel so taboo when used.

Final Thoughts

I suggest that anyone who feels guilty about cussing let go of the shame. Try it. You might feel freer after releasing some stress with a few well-placed four-letter words.

And if you’ve lived a cuss-free life up to now, don’t knock it until you try it. The next time you’re upset, cuss all alone and see how much better you feel.

You never know — cussing might just become your calming influence. If not, well… I have a few things to say about that. But you’ll have to use your imagination.

Growing Up With Their Children : Young Parents Face Some Very Adult Challenges; Family Support Can Be Crucial

The Realities of Young Parenthood: Stories of Strength and Resilience

Margaret Nava: A Young Mom Breaking Stereotypes

When Margaret and Tony Nava are out, people often ask if 6-year-old Tony is Margaret’s little brother. The boy quickly replies, “No, she’s my mom!”

At 23, Margaret is used to the confusion. She’s also used to joining in soccer games and dodging water balloons with Tony and his friends outside their Orange apartment.

“I find myself having a good time with Tony,” she says. “My parents were older and didn’t play with me the way I play with Tony. Because I participate in his activities, he and his friends think I’m cool.”

Expert Insight

Amy Stark, a Tustin individual and family psychologist, says young parents often have an advantage:

  • Energy and playfulness – Young parents often have the energy to play and connect with their children.
  • Completed parenting by 40 – Starting early may mean finishing the most intensive parenting years earlier in life.

However, Stark cautions that the emotional toll and life-stage conflict of young parenthood can be intense.

The Challenges of Being a Young Parent

Stark notes that the ages of 18 to 22 are often a critical stage for identity development. Having a baby during that time can make things more complex. She adds:

  • It’s hard to relate to peers who aren’t parents.
  • Marriages formed after the birth of a child often struggle to survive.
  • Economic strain is common due to lack of career experience or education.

Margaret’s Journey as a Single Mother

Margaret had Tony at 17 while finishing high school. She originally lived with Tony’s father, who left when the baby was 10 months old. Family support became essential:

  • Her parents helped with childcare.
  • Her brothers acted as male role models for Tony.

She finished high school while caring for Tony and worked part-time to pay for necessities. Later, she trained as a medical assistant while balancing school, work, and parenting.

Overcoming the Emotional Toll

Margaret admits the hardest part was losing personal time. Seeing friends go out while she stayed home with laundry and formula was emotionally challenging. But she now enjoys stability and a close bond with her son.

“Without Tony, I think I’d be off partying,” she reflects. “Now I have a career and my own home. We’re happy.”

Linda and Walter Dougherty: Planning Young Parenthood

Linda Dougherty always planned to be a young mom. She had her first child at 20 and was pregnant again when her daughter was just 3 months old.

She had just finished nursing school and felt ready—but her husband, Walter, wasn’t as prepared.

Walter’s Struggle to Adjust

Walter, 21 at the time, admits he was scared of babies and didn’t take as much responsibility early on. Without career training, he felt overwhelmed by financial pressure.

“Financially, being a younger parent is probably harder,” he says.

Raising Street-Smart Kids

Linda believes children of young parents are more independent and street-smart. Abigail, their daughter, agrees:

  • Younger parents let kids experience life more directly.
  • They’re more open about family struggles, including finances.

However, Abigail says being treated like a peer can be confusing. Sometimes she just wants a parent, not a friend.

Breeanne’s Perspective

For Abigail’s sister Breeanne, having young parents meant receiving advice that was relevant and relatable.

“My parents know what I’m going through,” she says. “Even my friends confide in them.”

Isidro’s Story: A Conscious Choice

Isidro, now 28, wanted to grow up with his child. He took on full custody and embraced his parenting role early on.

“I’ve spent a lot of time with my son,” he says. “I changed diapers, gave baths, and learned to be responsible.”

Advice for Others

Although he has no regrets, Isidro emphasizes the importance of readiness:

“The best thing to do is have a kid when you’re ready. Otherwise, you might resent them.”

Many See Infidelity as Ultimate Betrayal of Trust, but Some Overcome It

The Emotional Fallout of Infidelity

When Fiona had an affair after 10 years of marriage, she never imagined the ramifications of her actions.

“It all seemed harmless at first”

“My husband and I had been arguing a lot and weren’t as intimate as I wanted to be,” says Fiona, a 40-year-old Corona del Mar writer. “The new person was really interested in me and didn’t hassle me like my husband.”

After Fiona confessed, the couple agreed to try working things out. But her husband couldn’t contain his anger. “Even though we needed to go our separate ways, what I regret most is my betrayal of his trust,” she says.

The Impact of Betrayal

Many married people and singles in committed relationships see infidelity as the ultimate betrayal, according to Janet Whitney, a marriage and family counselor at Coastline Counseling in Newport Beach.

“When someone has an affair, it takes the specialness away from the marriage relationship and cheapens everything,” says Whitney. “Only those individuals who acknowledge they have a problem and get help can overcome what happened. Yet, a scar always remains.”

The Biggest Casualty: Trust

Infidelity often results in ongoing trust issues:

  • Victims may constantly question their partner’s honesty.
  • Cheaters may lose confidence in themselves and wonder how they could hurt someone they loved.

Infidelity by the Numbers

National surveys indicate that 30% to 60% of married individuals have had an affair. Whitney says, “Infidelity has balanced out between men and women.”

Why People Cheat

Common reasons individuals enter into affairs include:

  • Coming from a family where infidelity is normalized
  • Lack of chemistry or compatibility with a partner
  • Difficulty with long-term commitment

Regardless of the cause, a discovered affair often leads to a breakup.

Estella’s Story: A Short-Lived Marriage

Estella, a 40-year-old graphic designer from Tustin, thought she found her perfect match. But just one month into the marriage, she discovered notes about her husband meeting other women.

“He admitted to cheating, saying he was bored,” she says. Though she tried to salvage the relationship, they separated after eight months due to his ongoing infidelity.

Recovering and Reflecting

“The first thing I did was ask myself what I’d done wrong,” Estella recalls. “Later, I realized he was just a jerk. But then I had to ask why I picked someone like that.” She eventually sought therapy to rebuild trust in her instincts.

Although the experience happened 11 years ago, she says, “I think I’ll always be more cautious and less trusting.”

Men React Differently

Whitney notes that women tend to blame themselves more often than men following infidelity.

Raymond’s Story: Betrayed by Two People

Raymond, a 34-year-old teacher from Santa Ana, was shocked when his live-in girlfriend and mother of their son announced she was leaving him for his best friend.

“Nothing I’d done warranted that kind of drastic action,” he says. He packed up and left with their son. When she returned and called the police, Raymond complied and returned with the child. They later arranged joint custody.

After her new relationship failed, she asked him to come back—but the damage had already been done.

Mining the Gap : Friends Considerably Younger or Older Have Much to Offer, O.C. Counselors and Others Agree

Age Gap Friendships Offer Insight, Growth, and Lasting Bonds

A Friendship Beyond Generations

When Pati Gosnell, 50, needs fashion advice, she turns to her good friend and employee, Alicia Bugg, 24. Despite the age gap, their friendship flourishes on equal terms.

“We’re on equal footing as far as our friendship,” says Bugg. “Age doesn’t really factor in. We both give each other advice and ideas on a variety of subjects, like any friends would.”

Gosnell agrees, describing their relationship as one built on shared values and meaningful conversations. “We’ve also learned a great deal from one another,” she says.

Learning Across Generations

Gosnell admits this is her first close friendship with someone significantly younger, and the experience has been eye-opening.

“The last person I expected to learn from was someone half my age,” she says. “Alicia has insight and maturity. She’s open and adaptable.”

Expert Insight

Vivian Clecak, a Laguna Hills counselor, explains that people who embrace friendships with different-aged individuals tend to be open-minded and flexible.

  • They avoid stereotypes and welcome diverse life experiences.
  • Younger friends bring inspiration and vitality.
  • Older friends offer wisdom and serve as role models.

However, Clecak notes that such friendships carry vulnerabilities, such as the possibility of loss due to aging or lifestyle changes.

Roger and Nathan: An Intellectual Connection

Roger Angle, 55, has always had friends of different ages. One of his closest is Nathan Rynn, 70, a physics professor. They meet weekly for lunch, engaging in deep conversations despite their age gap.

“My writing and his research are both solitary, creative pursuits,” says Angle. “I admire his integrity and physical fitness.”

Rynn agrees that their shared perspectives on life and social issues have formed a strong foundation for their friendship. He credits Angle with opening him up to more cross-generational relationships.

“I’ve made other younger friends since meeting Roger, and I’m more open to different lifestyles and viewpoints,” says Rynn.

A Working Relationship Turned Friendship

Bugg began working at Regal Flowers at 18. Over time, she became Gosnell’s right hand, learning floral design and business management, while also teaching her mentor about patience and fashion.

“Alicia keeps her cool under pressure and calms me down. She also helped me update my style,” says Gosnell.

Gosnell, in return, offers life advice on finances and relationships. Bugg appreciates the guidance, knowing it’s rooted in experience.

“Pati gives advice I can trust because she’s been through it,” says Bugg.

Despite the initial work connection, the women believe they would be friends in any circumstance.

“We laugh a lot and bring out the best in each other. Our age difference gives our friendship more depth,” says Gosnell.

Mothers and Daughters Letting Go

Breaking Roles and Building Respect: Healing Mother-Daughter Relationships

When Emily Keech’s daughter, Jean, suggested attending a mother-daughter workshop aimed at improving their relationship, Keech, 83, of Tustin, didn’t think it would help.

“As far as I was concerned, our relationship was irreparable,” Keech said. “Jean and I never agreed on anything. Without fail, she’d say ‘black’ and I’d say ‘white.'”

Still, Keech honored her daughter’s request—and to her surprise, the workshop was a turning point.

“I was totally surprised at how we’ve managed to work things out,” she said. “My daughter and I have become much more tolerant. Now instead of constantly battling and criticizing one another, we actually talk.”

The Struggle to See Each Other as Adults

Keech realized a key issue in their relationship was the failure to reach an adult-to-adult dynamic. She continued playing the mother role, and her 60-year-old daughter kept rebelling.

“My biggest mistake was running with a safety net,” she admitted. “From the day your daughter is born, you want to protect her. But it took me a while to realize it was her responsibility and life—I had to let go.”

Why Letting Go Is So Difficult

Not letting go is a common problem for many mothers, says licensed clinical social worker Lynne Conger of Orange Outreach, which offers family counseling and regular mother-daughter workshops.

“Mothers and daughters share a profound bond,” Conger explains. “Being the same gender, they often face similar challenges, and mothers want to spare their daughters pain.”

But, Conger says:

  • It’s essential for daughters to struggle and grow independently.
  • Without separate identities, mothers and daughters can fall into old, unproductive patterns.
  • Unresolved issues with mothers can negatively impact relationships with spouses and children.

Developing Mutual Respect

Jean Braun, Keech’s daughter, agreed that the bond is worth working on.

“She’s the only mother I have,” said Braun, an accountant from Irvine. “Once I started treating her like I treat co-workers—with respect and patience—our relationship improved.”

She added, “We often treat family worse than strangers, expecting they’ll always be there. That’s not fair. Now we see each other as people, not just mother and daughter.”

Lessons Passed to the Next Generation

Now a mother and grandmother herself, Braun enjoys a strong relationship with her daughter.

“We can really talk as adults now,” Braun said. “After she had kids, she started seeing things differently and even asks for advice sometimes.”

Sharing Advice Without Controlling

Braun’s strategy with her daughter is to offer insight without interference:

  • “If I see her heading toward trouble, I share my thoughts as an opinion.”
  • “Once I say my piece, it’s up to her to decide what to do.”

This approach works well for Braun’s daughter, Lisa Cuomo, a 32-year-old stay-at-home mom in Murrieta.

“My mother isn’t a meddler,” Cuomo says. “She doesn’t tell me what to do. I ask for advice sometimes, and it’s always helpful.”

More Women Are Seeking Change

Claudette Varanko, 50, of Westminster, and her daughter, Natalia, were also ready to change their dynamic.

“I wanted to stop being the perpetual mother—it was weighing me down,” said Claudette, a legal nurse consultant. She, too, turned to Orange Outreach for help navigating the transformation.

When to Prune Trees

When to Prune Landscape Trees

Winter is a good time to prune most landscape trees. While pruning can be done at other times, avoid pruning during the spring growth period—from when buds start swelling to when young leaves reach full size. Budding and bloom times vary depending on the species.

In general, avoid pruning landscape trees in mid- to late summer (July through September) unless it’s very light. Summer pruning can trigger off-season growth, making trees like ficus vulnerable to freeze damage. It can also delay or shorten dormancy in deciduous trees and is especially harmful to eucalyptus and pines.

Fruit trees have different pruning needs than landscape trees, and each type should be researched individually.

Pruning Guidelines by Tree Type

Conifers

Prune these trees in November through February:

  • Cedars
  • Cypress
  • Pines
  • Redwoods
  • Eucalyptus

Deciduous Trees

Best pruned during their dormant period after leaf drop—usually November through January:

  • Ash (Fraxinus species)
  • Birch (Betula species)
  • Cape chestnut (Calodendrum capense)
  • Chinese elm (Ulmus parvifolia)
  • Chinese pistache (Pistacia chinensis)
  • Fruitless mulberry (Morus alba)
  • Ginkgo (Ginkgo biloba)
  • Italian alder (Alnus cordata)
  • Maple
  • Sweet gum (Liquidambar styraciflua)
  • Sycamore

Flowering Trees

If deciduous, prune when dormant. If evergreen or if they bloom while leafless, prune immediately after flowering:

  • Acacias (various species)
  • Bradford pear (Pyrus calleryana)
  • Camellia Japonica
  • Cape chestnut (Calodendrum capense)
  • Cassia
  • Chinese flame tree (Koelreuteria bipinnata)
  • Coral trees (Erythrina species)
  • Crape myrtle
  • Empress tree (Paulownia tomentosa)
  • Firewheel tree (Stenocarpus sinuatus)
  • Jacaranda
  • Lemon bottlebrush (Callistemon citrinus)
  • New Zealand Christmas tree
  • Purple orchid tree (Bauhinia variegata)
  • Saucer magnolia (Magnolia soulangiana)
  • Silk tree / Mimosa (Albizia julibrissin)
  • Southern magnolia (Magnolia grandiflora)
  • Tipu tree (Tipuana tipu)

Broadleaf Evergreens

Best pruned from October to March or in May/June:

  • Bronze loquat (Eriobotrya deflexa)
  • Camphor tree (Cinnamomum camphora)
  • Carrot wood (Cupaniopsis anacardioides)
  • Eucalyptus species
  • Kaffir plum (Harpephyllum caffrum)
  • Oaks, including:
    • Coast live oak (Quercus agrifolia)
    • Holly oak (Quercus ilex)
  • Olive (Olea europaea)
  • Ornamental figs (Ficus species)
  • Peppermint tree (Agonis flexuosa)
  • Pittosporum species, such as Victorian box (Pittosporum undulatum)
  • Toyon (Heteromeles arbutifolia)

Love Hurts, and It Should : Broken Hearts Mend Stronger, Say Orange County Therapists and Other Survivors From the Front

The Bittersweet Growth from a Broken Heart

Just about all of us can recall a time when someone took Cupid’s arrow out of our heart and walked away. Whether it was three days or 30 years ago, it’s hard to forget the sound of a heart breaking. After all, trampling elephants are loud.

While most say that breaking a heart isn’t as painful as having someone shatter yours, it can still stir up difficult emotions—especially guilt.

The Emotional Benefits of Heartbreak

Believe it or not, all of this agony is actually good for us, say mental health professionals.

“For the emotionally healthy person, having your heart broken is a necessary part of growth,” says Joanie Heinemann, a therapist at Coastline Counseling Center in Newport Beach.

“If you don’t experience a variety of relationships and have your heart broken and break hearts, I don’t know that you can ever build an intimate, understanding relationship with another person.”

Those who have experienced both sides of heartbreak tend to be sadder but wiser, understanding that how a heart is broken can affect how easily it heals.

Heartbreak in Your 20s and 30s

Broken hearts occur most often in one’s 20s and 30s, particularly between ages 28 to 33 when people often push unsuitable relationships due to ticking biological clocks.

According to Heinemann, “just as many women as men break hearts.”

What We Learn from Heartbreak

  • What we don’t want in a partner
  • The importance of emotional compatibility
  • How to recognize toxic patterns

“Having your heart broken is a wonderful life lesson that toughens your skin and cleans your rose-colored glasses,” says Dave, a 32-year-old communications specialist.

Real Stories of Broken Hearts

Dave’s Story

Dave’s intense relationship ended after he realized he had been changing his personality to fit his partner’s needs. They parted mutually, but the pain remained. He took a road trip to heal and eventually found his soulmate.

Cynthia’s Story

At 18, Cynthia’s heart was broken by a 30-year-old architect. After catching him cheating, she was devastated. Her healing took six months, but subsequent breakups were easier. Her recent heartbreak came from dating a close friend—only to discover the spark wasn’t there.

“Creating great memories is worth the pain in the long run,” she says.

Pat’s Story

Pat, now 33, experienced multiple heartbreaks before finding her husband—who initially broke her heart. She tried various coping methods, from self-help books to meditation and even wine. Eventually, her patience paid off when her now-husband re-evaluated his priorities and returned to her.

Which Hurts More: Being Dumped or Doing the Dumping?

While many say that having your heart broken is more painful than breaking someone else’s, the guilt of ending a relationship can weigh heavily.

“I’m your perpetual nice guy, so breaking up with someone was generally worse for me,” Dave shares.

Tips for Breaking Up the Right Way

Therapists and those who’ve experienced breakups agree on some important dos and don’ts:

Do:

  • Be honest and upfront
  • Use “I” statements
  • Preserve the other person’s dignity and self-esteem
  • Make a clean break

Don’t:

  • Wait until after holidays to break up
  • Ghost or avoid the person
  • Offer false hope for reconciliation

Denise’s Story

Denise, 33, often found herself on the heartbreak-giving side. She emphasizes maintaining the other person’s self-worth during a breakup. However, she regrets ghosting a man she’d been dating—something that still haunts her.

Brian’s Story

After breaking up with two women by abruptly cutting contact, Brian learned the value of honesty when he himself was dumped directly. That experience changed how he viewed past relationships.

Jim’s Story

Jim, 27, had a tough time ending a relationship with someone who became emotionally manipulative. After failed attempts to break things off gently, he eventually had to be blunt to protect his well-being.

Healing Takes Time

“Whether you’re being dumped or doing the dumping, we are really durable creatures,” says Heinemann.

“Let the heartbreak run its course—and if you’re going to do the heart breaking, do it right.”

Burglary Can Leave Emotional Scars : Anger, Fear May Be More Damaging Than Material Loss

SAFE AT HOME: Local Crime Prevention Efforts

Part Three of a Three-Part Series

While Carol Willis enjoyed a vacation at her parents’ house, burglars ransacked her Orange County apartment and took everything of value.

“When I discovered what happened, I was horrified,” said the marketing executive. “Before that, burglaries were just statistics I heard on TV. I never dreamed it could happen to me.”

The Shock of Being Burglarized

Willis’ reaction is common, said Lt. Ross Moen of the West Los Angeles detective division. Despite the 186,000 burglaries reported in Los Angeles, Orange, and San Bernardino counties in 1992, many people never expect it to happen to them. “They are usually very shocked that their safe haven has been invaded,” Moen said.

Emotional Impact Beyond the Loss

For many, the emotional toll of a burglary is worse than the material loss:

  • Violation of privacy: “Your private space has been invaded,” said psychologist Mory Framer of Barrington Psychiatric Center.
  • Loss of safety: “Security has been breached, and people feel violated,” Framer said.
  • Personal intrusion: “People see their home as an extension of themselves,” added Dr. Louis West of UCLA.
  • Gender impact: Women may feel the emotional violation more acutely due to deeper psychological connections to their home environment.

Common Reactions to a Burglary

Emotional responses vary but often include:

  • Helplessness: “You may think no one cares when the police have no leads,” Framer said.
  • Anger: Directed at the thief, the police, society, and oneself.
  • Loss of irreplaceable items: Items with sentimental value, such as jewelry or family heirlooms, can be especially painful to lose.
  • Fear and anxiety: Many victims struggle with sleep and feel unsafe at home.

A Personal Story: Multiple Break-ins

Carol Willis experienced three more burglaries after her initial one. “It was the later break-ins that really hurt because they took jewelry with sentimental value,” she said. She now keeps all valuables in a safe deposit box.

Fear and Long-Term Effects

“It’s very frightening to have your sense of security breached,” Framer said. Victims may:

  • Feel unsafe
  • Have trouble sleeping
  • Remain hyper-vigilant for months

“You’ve been intruded upon, and it’s OK to feel badly,” Framer emphasized.

What to Do After a Burglary

  • Don’t make drastic decisions: Avoid moving immediately—give it time.
  • Take preventive action: Educate yourself and get involved in community safety efforts.
  • Contact local police: Invite them to speak about burglary prevention.
  • Join or start a Neighborhood Watch: This builds community support and reduces crime.
  • Don’t overreact: Taking precautions is empowering, but don’t isolate yourself or live in fear.

Realities of Crime

Even when precautions are taken, burglaries can happen again. “There is no absolute immunity,” Framer warned. Willis moved to a better neighborhood, but was burglarized again. “I thought I’d done everything right, but it kept happening,” she said.

When to Seek Professional Help

Amy Stark, a Santa Ana psychologist, suggests getting help if you answer “yes” to two or more of these questions:

  • Do you have chronic insomnia?
  • Have you lost your appetite?
  • Is it hard to perform daily functions?
  • Are you frequently agitated or anxious?
  • Do you have recurring nightmares?
  • Are you using alcohol or drugs for comfort?
  • Are you too frightened to leave the house?

When Your Neighbors Are Burglarized

Mory Framer says it’s normal to feel relief that it wasn’t you. But don’t distance yourself—support your neighbor instead:

  • Stay connected: Avoid isolating your neighbor or blaming them.
  • Offer help: Clean up, bring food, or offer emotional support.
  • Don’t minimize: Acknowledge their emotional pain.
  • Take action: Work together to improve neighborhood security.

Explaining a Break-In to Your Children

Helping children process a burglary requires sensitivity:

  • Let them ask questions: Repetition is part of how they process trauma.
  • Reinforce safety: Show them new locks or alarm systems and explain how they work.
  • Expect sleep issues: Sleeping in your bed for a few nights is okay.
  • Manage your emotions: Talk to another adult about your fears—not your children.
  • Set an example: Children recover more easily when they see you coping well.

Since her marriage seven years ago, Willis hasn’t been burglarized again. But the fear remains. “Every time I lock up, I think about it,” she says.

Dried and Gone to Heaven

Dried and Gone to Heaven

August 28, 1993 | JULIE BAWDEN DAVIS | SPECIAL TO THE TIMES

Fresh flowers with an afterlife, dried flowers are gaining new respect for their versatility as well as staying power. They impart their own particular look to a room and are being used in a wide range of interior designs from the most modern to the most traditional.

The Growing Popularity of Dried Flowers

Dried flowers hit the design scene a couple of years ago and have continued to grow in popularity. RoxAnn Johnson, an Orange-based interior designer and owner of Faux Foliage & Florals, says:

“People like dried flowers for many reasons. While fresh flowers are wonderful, they don’t last long and are seasonal. A dried arrangement can brighten up a house in the middle of winter when there isn’t much in the garden.”

In addition, dried flowers are more eco-friendly. “Unlike silks, when you dispose of dried flowers, they naturally decompose, which is important in this age of environmental awareness,” Johnson adds.

Techniques for Drying Flowers

Drying flowers and foliage requires experimentation and patience. There are three basic and relatively simple approaches:

  • Air drying
  • Glycerin absorption
  • Silica gel crystals

Each of these methods works best for different types of plants. While there are few hard and fast rules, the results always vary somewhat, just like flowers themselves!

Flowers and Plants Ideal for Drying

Many gardeners love drying flowers because it allows them to preserve some of their favorites. Doris Loeffler, a Villa Park gardener, shares her enthusiasm:

“It’s really exciting to cut beautiful flowers and then wait to see how they will dry. It’s also a lot of fun to see flowers you grew in your garden on display indefinitely in your home.”

Loeffler’s favorite flower for drying is statice, which remains bright and vivid in color. Other great choices include:

  • Roses (especially two-toned varieties)
  • Larkspur
  • Queen Anne’s lace
  • Lavender
  • Coreopsis
  • Gaillardia red plum
  • Sunflowers
  • Wax flower
  • Strawflower
  • Heather
  • Baby’s breath
  • Mustard
  • Yarrow
  • German statice

Herbs like marjoram, oregano, mint, and poppy pods are also excellent for drying. Dried fruits and vegetables, such as apricots, onions, apples, and pomegranates, can be great additions to floral arrangements.

Considerations When Drying Flowers

Before cutting flowers from your garden, be aware that their appearance will change once dried. For example, rose heads shrink and change color:

  • Deep red roses turn dark grape
  • White and pink roses become pale yellow
  • Yellow roses turn mustard-colored

Using Dried Flowers in Home Decor

Dried flowers are versatile and fit various interior styles. According to RoxAnn Johnson:

“Dried flowers give a friendly atmosphere to any home. They fit in modern and Southwestern decors, and are especially attractive in Victorian, country, and traditional interiors.”

Here are some ideas for using dried flowers in home decor:

  • Entryway or Dining Room: Create an arrangement in a shallow terra-cotta pot with crushed Styrofoam, adding roses, heather, or German statice.
  • Flower Basket: Fill a basket with crushed Styrofoam and a variety of dried flowers. For a country look, add raffia bow.
  • Cut-Flower Basket: Use a large oval basket and arrange flowers as if freshly cut from the garden. Good flowers for this include larkspur, roses, and eucalyptus.

Final Tips for Decorating with Dried Flowers

When using dried flowers, consider your home’s decor. For instance:

  • Roses with baby’s breath are perfect for traditional and Victorian homes.
  • Sunflowers complement a country look.
  • Statice works well in Southwestern designs.
  • Larkspur and dried artichokes can make a stunning addition to contemporary interiors.

Dried flowers can also be used to soften masculine or heavy decor, such as in a bedroom with wood and dark colors.

Conclusion

Whether you’re creating a seasonal display or a permanent decor element, dried flowers offer both beauty and practicality. With proper drying techniques and a bit of creativity, you can enjoy nature’s blooms long after their growing season has passed.

The Relatives Are Coming!

‘Having In-Laws Stay Over is Like an Olympic Competition,’ Says One Hostess

The call comes: Mom, Dad, Aunt Mildred, and Uncle Joe are coming to visit.

“We’ll have so much fun, honey,” Mom says over the phone. “We can all go to Disneyland and the beach! Even Fido’s coming along so the kids will have someone to play with.”

Although you manage to say, “That’s great, Mom,” your head is already aching. Relatives, here, for a week. The house is a wreck, the kids are whining about being bored, and you’ve got tons of work at the office.

Many guests are very welcome, but some are easier to accommodate than others. Even in the best of circumstances, having visitors in the house makes life more hectic.

Challenges of Hosting In-Laws

For the parent of young children, already busy with work and running a household, having guests can feel like one more responsibility. For grandparents who are used to coming and going without considering a child’s needs, the chaos that children bring can be nerve-racking. And for newlyweds trying to get to know their in-laws, having guests can feel a lot like being on trial.

How Personality Affects Hosting Visitors

Whatever your circumstances and whomever is visiting, how well you handle having visitors depends a lot on your personality.

  • “The more easygoing you are, the easier it is to have guests,” says Alexandra Rosenberg, a Newport Beach clinical social worker.
  • “If you are more perfectionistic and controlling, it’s harder to have your routine broken and your space invaded,” she adds.

Even if you’re laid-back, there are some inherent stresses when relatives visit. In some cases, relationships with in-laws can create havoc. In others, family issues may cause friction, says Ron Hirz, a psychiatrist who has been working with individuals and families for over 20 years.

Wendy Vallier’s Experience with In-Laws

Wendy Vallier, a property manager in Anaheim, shares her experience with in-laws who visit twice a year. Her mother-in-law, who is 73, stays for a week, and her husband’s siblings sometimes visit as well.

“Having in-laws stay over is like an Olympic competition,” says Vallier. “A great deal of preparation is required to execute a flawless performance, and through it all, you pray for good marks from the judges—your in-laws. I only wish I had to endure this grueling event every four years.” She says that her mother-in-law expects a lot of attention, which has become increasingly difficult to provide.

Overcoming Family Tension

Vallier also mentions the challenge of not having the familiarity she enjoys with her own family. “There are ongoing family grievances that existed long before you came into the picture,” she says. “For instance, I once said something about my husband’s sister in front of my mother-in-law, and she looked at me as if I had lost my mind.”

Handling In-Law Visits Smoothly

Many people find it especially difficult to manage when in-laws visit because of how courteous they must be. Jeff McMillan, a college professor in Santa Ana, shares that while he likes his girlfriend’s family, he finds it hard to be on his best behavior for extended periods of time.

Secrets to a Successful Visit

Sharon Whatley, a writer in Tustin, believes that the keys to a successful visit are planning ahead and making things as simple as possible:

  • Prepare the guest room, buy household supplies, and cook meals a few days before the guests arrive.
  • Keep meals simple. “Instead of breaking your back trying to meet the standards you see in magazines, realize that the food doesn’t have to be exotic, and the house doesn’t have to be spotless,” says Whatley.

Managing Expectations

Having a proposed schedule that includes free time is a great way to manage expectations, says Hirz. “This gives your guests a chance to get away or rest by themselves, and it gives you a chance to unwind or get things done,” he explains.

If no car is available for your visitors, consider arranging a rental so they can explore on their own, making the visit much less stressful.

Dealing with Difficult Relatives

If you’re dealing with a strained relationship with a visitor, it’s important to establish boundaries. Rosenberg advises gently telling the person that you are an adult and can make your own decisions.

If direct confrontation is not possible, seek the support of others, such as your spouse, to help communicate your boundaries.

Finding the Positive in Challenging Visits

When all else fails, remember that the visit won’t last forever. “There is a part of us that enjoys company,” says Rosenberg. “Let that part come out and play, and you’ll probably have a pretty good time.”

Shapes Don’t Change, but Ways to Get in Shape Do : Everyone is born one of three body types.

All the Wishing and Working Out in the World Can’t Change Your Body Type, But You Can Work with What You’ve Got

We are each born with one of three body types that we must live with all our lives: round and soft, pear-shaped endomorph; muscular, hourglass-shaped mesomorph; or long and lean ectomorph. While many people may have traits from multiple categories, we typically represent one body type more than the others.

How to Identify Your Body Type

To determine your body type, try this simple test: Encircle one wrist with your other hand’s middle finger and thumb. If they don’t touch, you’re likely an endomorph. If they just touch, you’re likely a mesomorph, and if they overlap, you’re likely an ectomorph.

While your body type cannot be changed, many people try mightily to alter it, leading to frustration. Studies show that 75% of people are dissatisfied with some aspect of their appearance, a sentiment echoed by personal trainers and counselors alike.

Common Struggles with Body Image

Despite looking great to others, many people struggle with body dissatisfaction. Media, especially magazines, portray unrealistic body types that many aspire to attain, often leading to frustration and feelings of inadequacy.

As expert Stacy Rae Roberts states, “We’re all ruled by genetics. If your mother has wide hips or your father has a lean upper body, chances are you’ve inherited these traits. Working out will improve your shape but won’t change it.” It’s essential to work with your body, not against it.

Embracing Your Body Type

Here are some tips on how to stay fit and healthy while accepting your body type:

Endomorphs

Endomorphs tend to have round, soft, curvy bodies with more weight distributed at the hips and thighs. They have small to medium-sized bones and shorter limbs relative to their trunks.

  • Famous Endomorphs: Marilyn Monroe, Dolly Parton, John Candy, Roseanne Arnold, and Tom Arnold.
  • Exercise Recommendations: For endomorphs, burning fat is key. Engage in 20-60 minutes of low to moderate-intensity aerobic exercises like swimming, walking, and bicycling three to seven days a week. Additionally, use lower weights and higher repetitions for weight training to create long, lean muscles.

Mesomorphs

Mesomorphs have medium to large bones, with well-defined muscles. They excel at building muscle and often find it easier to stay in shape compared to other body types.

  • Famous Mesomorphs: Demi Moore, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jane Fonda, and Magic Johnson.
  • Exercise Recommendations: To stay lean, mesomorphs should perform 20-60 minutes of high-intensity aerobic exercises such as running, dancing, and jump roping. Strength training with moderate weights and high repetitions is crucial to avoid muscle bulk and maintain lean muscle definition.

Ectomorphs

Ectomorphs are typically lean and long, with a tendency to have trouble building muscle. Their limbs are long, and they often have a high fat-to-muscle ratio.

  • Famous Ectomorphs: Audrey Hepburn, Julia Roberts, Michael Jordan, and Cary Grant.
  • Exercise Recommendations: Ectomorphs should focus on both aerobic exercises (like running or cycling) and strength training with progressively heavier weights to build muscle. Abdominal exercises are also essential to strengthen the lower back and improve posture.

Mental Tips for Embracing Your Body Type

In addition to physical exercise, mental and emotional acceptance of your body type is essential for overall well-being:

  • Accept Yourself: Focus on making your body a wonderful place to live by working with it, not constantly battling against it.
  • Don’t Set Conditions for Acceptance: Self-acceptance should not be contingent on losing weight or achieving a specific body image. Embrace where you are today.
  • Focus on Your Strengths: Regularly look in the mirror and focus on your positive attributes instead of dwelling on perceived flaws.
  • Keep an Image Journal: Write down situations that trigger negative feelings about your body and discuss them with someone. Often, comparing yourself to unrealistic media images can cause undue dissatisfaction.

Conclusion

Understanding and accepting your body type can lead to a healthier mindset and better overall health. By aligning your workouts and mindset with your natural body type, you can become the best version of yourself, both physically and mentally.

Housecleaning Cardio-Exercises Whittle Inches While You Work

Previous generations didn’t think about how it would firm their thighs or strengthen their pectorals, but they stayed in great shape doing it. Long before Stairmasters and aerobics, men and women kept with daily doses of good, old-fashioned housework.

Though times have changed with the introduction of the vacuum and other so-called labor-saving devices, there’s still a lot of benefit to be gotten from household chores.

“Many people don’t realize that you can get a workout cleaning your house or washing your car,” says Kiana Tom of Sunset Beach, who is co-host of the ESPN television show “BodyShaping.”

If you want to work out, but don’t have the time, or would like to augment your current exercise routine, the answer may be in the dust on your tables or the mud on your car.

Exer-Cleaning: Get Fit While Cleaning

To get a good “exer-cleaning” workout, you’ll probably need to change your cleaning methods a little. “When doing cardiovascular work such as vacuuming and dusting, pick up the pace,” Tom says. “Also exaggerate movements more than usual and take more time with some tasks than you might otherwise.”

Cardio-Vacuum

Vacuuming is a high-energy chore that is comparable to brisk walking, says Jerry Tyler, a personal trainer. “Vacuuming not only provides cardiovascular conditioning, but it also works your legs and shoulders.” To cardio-vac effectively:

  • Exaggerate your movements and switch hands frequently to give both sides of your body a comparable workout.
  • Vacuum nonstop for at least 20 minutes to start burning fat.
  • If you need more cardio, try jogging in place after vacuuming.

Deltoid-Dust

Make dusting an aerobic activity that will also work your arms and shoulders. Quickly and briskly dust, using not just your forearm and hand but your entire shoulder. Do circular movements until the muscle starts to burn and then switch arms.

Workout and Wash the Car

Washing the car is a good cardio workout that works your arms if you keep moving. Remember to change arms frequently to balance the workout.

Stair-Climb

If you have stairs, they provide a great workout. Running steps and bleachers is a common training exercise for athletes. Stair work conditions your legs and provides an aerobic workout.

  • Try making several trips up and down the stairs while cleaning.
  • To add variety, do backward and forward lunges off the bottom step.

Strength Training Exercises

Once you’ve completed the cardio-cleaning, it’s time to do some resistance exercises to strengthen muscles.

Firm-and-Tone with the Dishes

When unloading the dishwasher, instead of bending over, do squats. Hold the dishes close to your body, keep your back straight, and lower yourself slowly to a sitting position. Stand up slowly and repeat 20-40 times for a good leg and bottom workout.

Strength-Train with the Groceries

Make a weightlifting session out of bringing in the groceries. Paper bags typically weigh between 8-10 pounds. Carry them close to your chest and perform squats with two or three bags. Perform 15-20 squats per bag.

Upper Body Exercises

Use canned goods or jugs of milk and water to work your upper body. Perform exercises like biceps curls, triceps extensions, and bent-over rows. Repeat each movement 12-15 times to strengthen your arms and chest.

Strengthen Thighs While Polishing the Floor

To work the inner and outer thighs while cleaning, move side to side when vacuuming or mopping the floor. You can even slide across the kitchen floor for a fun workout. Use a slide board to safely strengthen these muscles.

Stretching

Stretching is essential after exer-cleaning. Reach for items and hold the stretch for 30 seconds. Stretching helps prevent injury and improves flexibility.

Additional Tips

  • Exercise at least 20 minutes, three times a week, for cardiovascular health.
  • Weight training can be done once a week to maintain muscle tone.
  • Keep good posture while exer-cleaning, and stop if you experience pain.

Inexpensive equipment, like dumbbells and exercise tubing, can add variety to your exer-cleaning routine. Floor exercises like pushups, sit-ups, and leg lifts are also great additions.

Conclusion

Exer-cleaning is a fun and effective way to incorporate fitness into your daily routine. By combining housework with exercise, you can maintain a healthy lifestyle while keeping your home clean.

Circadian Rhythms Are Nothing to Lose Sleep Over

Understanding Your Body’s Internal Clock: Tips for Better Sleep

Getting a good night’s sleep—or a good day’s sleep if you prefer—is easier when you’re in sync with your body’s internal clock.

Body temperature, exposure to light, and what you eat all affect how your circadian rhythm runs.

While many of us use an alarm clock, research shows that when our bodies are free from time constraints, an internal gauge helps us maintain a natural sleep-wake cycle.

“Researchers have placed people in caves and allowed them to free-run,” says sleep specialist Sarah Mosko, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at St. Joseph Hospital. “Without clocks, participants followed their own sleep-wake patterns.” Some were “night owls,” while others were “larks,” waking up early.

Night owls and larks have different sleep cycles

Studies show that your body temperature influences sleep. “When our body is cooler, we sleep, and when it’s warmer, we’re generally awake,” says Mark Brayford, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Western Medical Center in Anaheim.

Understanding Circadian Rhythms

Night owls and larks tend to sleep the same amount of time, despite different wake-up times. For instance, a lark may sleep from 10 p.m. to 5:30 a.m., while a night owl may sleep from 1 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. On average, people need 7.5 hours of sleep, although the range is between 4 to 10 hours.

Adjusting Your Internal Clock

If you’re looking to change your sleep patterns, start by tracking your circadian rhythm for a week. Record how alert you feel at each hour of the day on a scale from 1 (sleeping) to 10 (very alert). Stick to the same bedtime and wake-up time each day to spot a pattern.

To shift your sleep schedule, begin waking up at your desired time each morning, no matter how much sleep you got the night before. With consistency, your body will adapt over several weeks.

Using Light Therapy to Reset Your Clock

Light exposure plays a crucial role in resetting your circadian rhythm. For earlier wake-ups, expose yourself to bright light in the morning. If you want to stay up later, try light exposure in the afternoon.

  • Use a light box if natural light isn’t available.
  • Start with 20 minutes to two hours of light exposure, depending on the intensity of the light box.

Tips for Maintaining Your Sleep Schedule

Once you’ve reset your sleep schedule, stick to it rigidly. Avoid staying up late unless absolutely necessary, as it can cause you to revert back to old patterns.

Healthy Sleep Practices

  • Practice healthy sleep hygiene: Avoid working or engaging in stimulating activities before bed. Allow your body to wind down.
  • Exercise regularly: But don’t exercise within two hours of bedtime.
  • Eat on a regular schedule: Avoid eating large meals within four to five hours of bedtime.
  • Avoid disruptors: Be mindful of factors like travel and shift work, which can throw off your sleep cycle.

Dealing with Travel and Shift Work

  • Jet lag: Stick to the new time zone, and expose yourself to morning light when traveling east.
  • Shift work: Try to maintain a consistent sleep schedule, sleep in a dark room, and manage your sleep environment.

Conclusion

Respecting your body’s natural sleep patterns can improve your overall health and energy levels. By understanding and adjusting your circadian rhythm, you can achieve better sleep and feel more refreshed.

Small-Town Atmosphere in City Setting

Tustin: Quiet Neighborhoods, Excellent Schools, and a Convenient Location

Rich Kaufman, who co-owns two bakeries in Newport Beach and Corona del Mar, was immediately drawn to his future home in Tustin. “I was flooded with childhood memories of my grandma’s house,” he said of the 1934-built home. “The huge arched doorways, big windows, wood floors, and squeaky doors all really appealed to me.”

His only concern was whether his wife, Lara Kaufman, would like the home, but she agreed to the purchase without hesitation.

Lara Kaufman said, “The house’s interior design is old Art Deco, and it has a lot of personality.” Last April, they bought the 2,000 square foot, three-bedroom house for $330,000.

Since moving in, the Kaufmans have also grown fond of Tustin itself. Lara Kaufman appreciates the town’s small-town atmosphere, a welcome change from their previous beach area home. “People are down-to-earth here and very friendly,” she shared. “I don’t have to worry about putting on makeup to go to the store. And unlike some areas, there are many young couples like us who are starting families.”

Rich Kaufman enjoys Tustin’s relaxed rural setting

Rich Kaufman enjoys the quiet, pastoral feel of their North Tustin home, surrounded by neighbors with horses and mini-orchards.

According to Melody Streur, a realtor with Century 21 Academy in Tustin, the city’s sedate, low-profile atmosphere is one of the reasons people move to and stay in Tustin.

“Once people move into the area, they tend to stay,” said Streur. “Residents generally have a strong sense of family and enjoy the quiet lifestyle Tustin offers.”

Strong Community Bonds

Mike Sackett, a longtime resident, explains that his Tustin neighborhood has been quiet since the day he and his wife, Blanche, moved in 36 years ago. “It’s never been really noisy here,” he said. “The neighbors have always gotten together to help one another, and the fire department was once all volunteer.” Today, Mike continues to help neighbors with outdoor projects.

Family-Oriented Neighborhoods

Blanche Sackett remembers the day they found their home. “We were looking for a four-bedroom home for our two children and my mother. We looked in Santa Ana, but when we found this model home, I knew it was the one,” she said. They purchased the 1,300-square-foot house for $13,180 in 1956. Today, it would sell for about $220,000.

Top-Rated Schools

Many families choose to stay in Tustin because of its highly-rated schools. Both Tustin High School and Foothill High School have produced numerous National Merit Scholars. Principal Duffy Clark of Tustin High says, “Around 90% of our students go on to college, and in the last decade, we’ve sent more students to West Point than any other high school west of the Mississippi.”

Foothill High School boasts similar academic success. Janis Jones, the school’s principal, notes that 96.5% of the 1992 graduating class went on to college, with many attending Ivy League universities such as Harvard and Stanford.

Location and Housing Options

Tustin is centrally located, just eight miles from John Wayne Airport and 12 miles from the beach, making it a convenient spot for shopping and travel. The city offers a wide range of housing options, from affordable homes to luxury estates.

  • The average home in Tustin sells for $349,000, typically 2,200 to 2,800 square feet with 2 to 2.5 bathrooms.
  • Larger estates range from 4,000 to 10,000 square feet, priced between $500,000 and $2 million.
  • Smaller homes of 1,200 to 1,700 square feet cost between $195,000 and $225,000.
  • Two- to three-bedroom condos average $153,000 for 1,000 to 1,500 square feet.

The allure of Tustin is so strong that it even attracts residents from other cities. For example, Judy Oku moved to Tustin after living in Irvine for 13 years. “We love it here,” she said. “It’s nice and quiet, close to shopping, and we can even walk to the movie theater.”

Historical Background

Tustin was founded in 1868 by Columbus Tustin, a farmer and buggy maker. Its growth was slow compared to neighboring cities, and it wasn’t incorporated until 1927. The city remained a small farming community for years, with its pace of life reflecting that tradition.

Changes Over Time

Over the years, Tustin has transformed, but many longtime residents still cherish the city’s quiet, small-town charm. Hugh Robinson, a retired Marine, fondly recalls the 1950s when he and his wife, Marion, bought a home for $18,000—now valued at $200,000.

“At the time, there were few homes and it was peaceful at night,” said Hugh. “An orange grove sat behind us, and the smell of orange blossoms filled the air when in bloom.”

Notable Landmarks

Despite modern changes, Tustin still retains historic buildings, such as the Knights of Pythias building from 1925. It houses the Chamber of Commerce, Tustin Historical Society, and some unique businesses like a vintage clothing store and an old hardware store. Other popular spots include the health food restaurant Rutabegorz and McCharles House Restaurant in a Victorian mansion.

Demographics and Population Statistics

  • 1992 estimated population: 53,524
  • 1980-90 population change: +32.3%
  • Median age: 29.5 years
  • Annual income: $20,933 per capita; $42,832 median household

While the city is more crowded than in years past, many long-term residents still find Tustin an ideal place to call home. “We’ve grown with the area, and we’re here to stay,” says Marion Robinson.

Nighttime Is the Right Time for Dreamy Dressing

Comfortable and Sexy Sleepwear for Women

After a long, busy day, many women look forward to a good night’s sleep. Part of the pleasure is slipping into something comfortable for the slumber ahead.

While women want comfortable sleepwear, they also look for something sexy to wear before climbing into bed, says Michelle Sullivan, sales representative at Leonardo’s Boutique in the Hyatt Hotel in Garden Grove.

“Women care what they wear to sleep,” agrees Leslie Stoddard, co-owner of Intimate Concepts in Irvine. “Nightwear is moving toward a sexier look and there is a lot more variety in today’s sleepwear.”

You’ll also find many more colors than ever before. “Besides black and white, there is a lot of women’s nightwear in warm colors like brown and gold, which are very popular,” says Lena Marie Sulahian, owner of Marie’s Boudoir in Laguna Niguel.

The following sampling of stores offers nightwear perfect for snoozing and lounging:

Store Listings

EROGENOUS ZONE

  • Classics by J & J 100% Silk Two-Piece Set: Long-sleeved shirt with one pocket and loose-fitting pants in red or white ($120, sizes small, medium, large).
  • XTC Leather Teddy: Sleeveless with lace front and spaghetti straps, attached garter straps ($80-$110, sizes 34-38).
  • Loves Delight Baby-Doll Teddy: Black or white, fishnet and lace top, spaghetti straps ($24, sizes small, medium, large).

INTIMATE CONCEPTS

  • Shirley of Hollywood Lace Teddy: Stretch lace teddy with lace-up front and low V-neck ($26, sizes small to 4X).
  • Empire Chiffon Baby-Doll Set: Sheer black with lace and embroidered roses ($25, sizes small to 4X).
  • Shirley of Hollywood Body Stocking: Cracked-ice fishnet with lace-up front and low back ($49, sizes small, medium, large).

KRISTEN’S LINGERIE

  • Varena Floor-Length Cotton Nightie: White cotton gown with button-down front and small cotton bows ($90, sizes small, medium, large).
  • Tzzz Cotton Pajamas: Short-sleeved top with shorts, available in pink, sea-foam green, or blue ($30, sizes small, medium, large).
  • Charmeuse Night Slips: Pullover slip-style nighties in peach, pink, purple, or red ($20-$60 depending on silk quality).

LEONARDO’S BOUTIQUE

  • Blanche Long Chiffon Gown: White chiffon with sheer lace top and pink chiffon bottom ($180, one size).
  • Circa 2000 Teddy: Hawaiian flower print teddy with spaghetti straps ($30, sizes small, medium, large).
  • Nan Flower Teddy: Satin V on stomach, mesh sides, lace at bikini line ($37, sizes small, medium, large).

LINGERIE FOR LESS

  • Cassi L Silk Chemise: Knee-length with crisscross back, available in red, white, black, or blue ($30, sizes small, medium, large).
  • Escante Floor-Length Gown: Black, red, fuchsia, or white, with V-style lace under-wire bra ($40.99).

MARIE’S BOUDOIR

  • Shirley of Hollywood Multicolored Chiffon Teddy: Sheer back and spaghetti straps ($38, sizes small, medium, large).
  • Terry Rousso Ivory Gown & Robe Set: Lace and chiffon, with beading ($80 for the set, small, medium, large sizes).

PHYLLIS CAMERON LINGERIE AND AT HOME WEAR

  • Lucie Ann Tropical Floral Gown: White with floral pattern in coral, purple, emerald ($32, sizes petite to large).
  • Wild Mint Full-Length Gown: Ivory-colored cotton with embroidered sleeves and hemline ($96, sizes small, medium, large).

THE PLEASURE COMPANY

  • Shirley of Hollywood Satin Camisole & Tap Pants Set: Loose-fitting ivory satin with spaghetti straps ($30, sizes small, medium, large).
  • Shirley of Hollywood Chiffon Baby-Doll Nightie: Red, white, blue, or black with matching panties ($40, sizes small, medium, large, 3X).

Check out these stores for the perfect blend of sexy and comfortable nightwear!

Gardening : Plotting for a Year-Round Bounty of Vegetables

While gardeners in states with “real winters” can’t even get a shovel into the frozen ground, many local vegetable plots have crisp snow peas weighing down vines and green bunches of broccoli resting under the sunny skies.

Orange County is one of few places in the country where gardeners can harvest tomatoes in November or pull heads of cabbage out of the garden in February. If you’re not taking advantage of the mild climate and gardening year-round, it may be time to think about planting a continual garden.

It’s possible to grow lots of tasty vegetables throughout the year in Orange County, says Allan Garofalow, a Buena Park gardener and treasurer for the California Organic Gardening Club.

“Keep a garden growing year-round, and you can go out every day and pick fresh produce that’s far superior to what you’ll find in the stores. Garden without pesticides and you also have the satisfaction of knowing you’re eating chemical-free vegetables,” he says.

Gardener harvesting vegetables
Unlike parts of the country with traditional seasons that allow only a certain amount of time for crops to grow, in Southern California, the weather is more lax and forgiving. In Montana, if you don’t set out your tomato plants at just the right time in spring, a crop of green tomatoes may get zapped by an early frost.

Year-Round Gardening in Orange County

Here you can plant tomatoes from March through August and enjoy them fresh most of the year.

“Orange County has been described as having just two seasons—spring and summer,” says Garofalow. “Our summer lasts from July through September; at this time warm-weather crops like cucumbers and tomatoes thrive. Spring composes the rest of the year. Many people don’t realize that this latter time can be very active in the garden.”

Spring and Summer Planting Tips

In March, both spring and summer crops can be planted. “It’s possible to plant cool-weather vegetables now and get a crop in before the summer plants take over,” says James Bailey, coordinator and supervisor of the Centennial Farm at the Orange County Fair. Good picks are:

  • Beets
  • Broccoli
  • Cabbage
  • Brussels sprouts
  • Cauliflower
  • Mustard greens
  • Snow peas
  • Spinach
  • Artichokes
  • Rhubarb
  • Celery

While your late winter/spring crop is growing, you can also begin seeding plants such as corn, cucumbers, tomatoes, eggplants, bell peppers, turnips, shallots, peanuts, melons, watermelons, pumpkins, summer squash, winter squash, zucchini, and beans. Many seeds planted now will be ready for transplanting into the garden in a month or two.

Plants for Year-Round Gardening

Plants that can be grown any time of year here include:

  • Lettuce
  • Radishes
  • Most herbs
  • Swiss chard
  • Collards
  • Carrots

Gardening Tips for Year-Round Success

For year-round gardening, most experts suggest sticking to a small, manageable plot, rather than a large, sprawling garden. “You don’t want to waste a lot of time and effort on more square footage than you need,” says Huntington Beach resident Paul Pirtle, who has gardened on a year-round basis for several years. “It’s easier to control a smaller space and it’s less intimidating.”

Raised Beds and Trellis Systems

In hard clay soil, many gardeners turn to raised beds because the soil is always loose and workable and drains easily. A raised bed also gives you a confined space in which to plant. Pirtle has five six-by-three-foot raised beds, one of which is always full of lettuce.

A trellis system for climbing plants such as peas, beans, and melons should also be added to your garden, says Garofalow. Put a trellis at the back of the garden so that the structure or attached plants don’t shade other crops. Many gardeners secure concrete reinforcing wire between two-by-twos or metal stakes and use this as a trellis, which will last for several years.

Soil Health and Fertilization

When you garden on an intense, continuous basis, it’s critical to keep the soil healthy and viable, says Garofalow. Summer gardeners don’t have to pay as much attention to soil fertility because months of disuse give the earth time to re-energize. When you constantly use the soil, though, it’s important to keep it nourished.

For the active gardener, a compost pile is worth its weight in gold. If you don’t already have one, start a compost system and add the resulting humus to your garden at least once or twice a year.

Garofalow also suggests replenishing your soil with:

  • Blood meal (high in nitrogen)
  • Bone meal (good source of phosphorus)

Cover Crops

If part of your garden will be dormant over the winter, you can build the soil by planting a green cover crop in the fall, which will grow during the winter and can be turned into the soil in the spring. This re-energizes your garden by adding nitrogen and organic matter.

Cover crops Pirtle suggests include:

  • Winter rye
  • Sweet clover
  • Alfalfa
  • Hairy vetch

Turn the cover crop under a month before you want to plant in that area.

Crop Rotation and Record-Keeping

Although you will be using your garden on a continuous basis, you should wait at least two weeks between plantings, which will allow beneficial organisms to multiply.

Crop rotation is essential to keep soil and plants healthy. For example, don’t plant heavy nitrogen feeders like tomatoes in the same spot for three years. Instead, plant beans or peas, which replenish the soil with nitrogen.

Organizational Tips

You can keep track of what works best in your year-round garden by keeping records. Take a notebook and date each entry, noting the weather and what you did in the garden that day. Include what you planted, fertilized, and pruned. This notebook can help you understand why certain crops succeed or fail, allowing you to replicate successful strategies.

Conclusion

Gardening is an experimental activity, and the climate in Orange County is forgiving. Be willing to try new things and be surprised by the results. As Garofalow says, “Gardening’s an adventure and will constantly lead you to new discoveries.”

Year-Round Vegetable Gardening Calendar

Year-Round Gardening in Orange County

A wide variety of vegetables can be grown year-round in the Orange County climate. Here is a guide to help plan a perpetual garden:

January

Seed, Transplant and/or Harvest

  • Artichokes
  • Asparagus
  • Beets
  • Broccoli
  • Brussels sprouts
  • Cabbage
  • Cauliflower
  • Carrots
  • Endive
  • Kohlrabi
  • Leeks
  • Lettuce
  • Mustard greens
  • Onions
  • Onion and garlic sets
  • Radishes
  • Parsnips
  • Salsify
  • Turnips
  • Parsley
  • Spinach
  • Swiss chard
  • Rhubarb
  • Horseradish

February

Seed

  • Beets
  • Bell peppers
  • Carrots
  • Celery
  • Corn
  • Cucumbers
  • Early peas
  • Eggplant
  • Endive
  • Green beans
  • Kohlrabi
  • Leeks
  • Lettuce
  • Melons
  • Mustard
  • Onions
  • Parsley
  • Parsnips
  • Potatoes
  • Radishes
  • Salsify
  • Spinach
  • Squash
  • Swiss chard
  • Tomatoes
  • Turnips

Transplant and/or Harvest

  • Artichokes
  • Asparagus
  • Broccoli
  • Brussels sprouts
  • Cabbage
  • Cauliflower
  • Endive
  • Horseradish
  • Lettuce
  • Mustard greens
  • Parsley
  • Spinach
  • Swiss chard
  • Onions
  • Rhubarb

March

Seed

  • Beets
  • Bell peppers
  • Carrots
  • Collards
  • Corn
  • Eggplant
  • Endive
  • Herbs
  • Kale
  • Kohlrabi
  • Leeks
  • Lettuce
  • Mustard greens
  • Onions
  • Parsley
  • Parsnips
  • Potatoes
  • Peanuts
  • Peas
  • Radishes
  • Rhubarb
  • Swiss chard
  • Salsify
  • Spinach
  • Sunflowers
  • Tomatoes (“Early Girl” variety)
  • Turnips

Transplant and/or Harvest

  • Artichokes
  • Asparagus
  • Beets
  • Broccoli
  • Brussels sprouts
  • Cabbage
  • Carrots
  • Cauliflower
  • Collards
  • Endive
  • Horseradish
  • Jerusalem artichokes
  • Kale
  • Lettuce
  • Peas
  • Radishes
  • Rhubarb
  • Swiss chard
  • Turnips
  • Spinach

Shake Your Booty, Have Fun and Get Into Shape

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers had the right idea. If you want to stay fit and have fun while doing so, then dance.

“Recreational dancing is a great form of exercise that never goes out of style and can be used in just about any social setting,” says Matthew Brayshaw, who teaches ballroom and country and Western dancing at Londance Studio in Santa Ana.

In addition to being fun and a great way to meet new friends, dancing has a variety of benefits, including its ability to improve coordination, straighten posture, and even increase self-confidence. “I’ve seen many shy people really come out of their shells after learning how to dance,” says Brayshaw.

Many people now consider dancing a fun way to stay fit, says Kristine Robbin, country and Western dance instructor for the Crazy Horse Steak House and Saloon in Santa Ana. “Dancing is especially good for people who have a hard time motivating themselves to follow an exercise regimen.”

Relaxing through dancing

Dancing can also be a relaxing change of pace. Linda Hagood, a psychotherapist in Orange County, regularly recommends that her patients dance as a way to escape life’s daily pressures. She takes her own advice, ballroom dancing about twice a week.

“I have a 110-mile commute that takes three to four hours each day,” she says. “Dancing is a great form of exercise that helps relieve stress. As you concentrate on where your feet are supposed to go, you forget about the daily grind. It’s also easy to fit dancing into my hectic schedule.”

Types of Dance for Fitness

There are many types of dancing that can become part of a fitness program. Each offers the opportunity for a particular type of workout:

  • Hip-hop: An intense street dance that elevates your heart rate quickly. Christina Sullivan, director of the Jam Crew, suggests taking a funk or hip-hop aerobics class to learn basic moves before hitting the dance floor.
  • Country and Western: Includes two-step and line dancing. The two-step gives a full-body workout, while line dancing (like the Tush Push or Electric Slide) mainly targets the lower body.
  • Ballroom Dancing: Includes smooth dances like the waltz, tango, and fox-trot. While these may appear mellow, they require great body control and offer a solid workout. Rhythm dances like the mambo and salsa provide an energetic workout.
  • Square Dancing: A vigorous workout that’s great for cardiovascular conditioning and recommended by many doctors, especially for heart patients. Square dancing lasts 2-2.5 hours, making it an excellent form of exercise.
  • Free-style: If structured dance steps aren’t for you, free-style dancing can be a great way to get an aerobic workout. Just move your body with exaggerated movements to make the most out of it.

Maximizing Your Dance Fitness

To get the most fitness benefits from recreational dancing, here are some tips:

  • Watch the clock: Dance for at least 20 minutes at a time to keep your heart rate elevated. Taking brief breaks is okay, but keep your heart rate up to burn fat effectively.
  • Be consistent: Dance regularly, at least a couple of times a week, to see fitness improvements.
  • Warm up and cool down: Start with slow songs to get your blood flowing and always cool down before resting to prevent muscle strain.
  • Drink water: Hydrate with water, especially if you’re sweating a lot. Avoid alcohol, as it dehydrates and depletes energy.
  • Dress appropriately: Wear loose, comfortable clothing and shoes with leather soles to aid in turning. Avoid high heels or sandals, which can cause discomfort and lack of support.
Dancing for fun and fitness

Conclusion

Dancing is a fun and effective way to stay fit, relieve stress, and improve overall health. Whether you prefer hip-hop, ballroom, or free-style, there’s a dance style for everyone to enjoy while boosting their fitness levels.

GARDENING : Growing Plants Takes Feat of Clay

Dealing with Clay Soil in Orange County

Gardeners in Orange County often struggle with clay soil, which is sticky and mushy when wet and hard as cement when dry. This soil doesn’t offer the most hospitable environment for plants.

“It’s very challenging to grow plants in it,” said Steve Kawaratani, landscape manager at Laguna Nursery. “Clay soil is very compact, with tightly bound soil particles that restrict air flow to plant roots. It also retains water and salt, leading to root rot. The soil is also very alkaline, which many plants can’t tolerate.”

Without proper amendments, plants in dense clay soil are likely to struggle. “Most plants fail because of improper soil preparation, not disease or insects,” Kawaratani added.

Kawaratani emphasizes the importance of proper soil preparation. “The more prepared your soil is before planting, the higher your root to shoot ratio, leading to healthier plants with more flowers, vegetables, and larger leaves.”

Soil Testing

Soil Testing: Know Your Soil

Before amending your soil, it’s important to test it to understand its properties. You can either test the soil yourself or take it to a local nursery for professional testing.

  • DIY Test: Fill a coffee can with dirt from four different locations in your yard and bring it to your local nursery for testing. This typically costs around $50.
  • At-Home Kit: You can also purchase a soil testing kit for $15-$16 at your local nursery.

Testing your soil reveals key information about its fertility and pH levels, which indicate whether the soil is too acidic or alkaline.

“Most plants thrive in a soil pH of about 5.5 to 6.5,” said Kawaratani. “In Orange County, the soil pH tends to be about 7.9 to 8 due to the alkalinity of water from the Colorado River. This high pH can stunt plant growth, particularly for acid-loving plants like gardenias, camellias, and azaleas.”

Soil testing also measures the salt content, which is crucial as excess salt can harm plants by burning roots and leading to root rot.

Amending Your Clay Soil

To improve clay soil, you need to amend it with the right materials to increase drainage and air penetration. Proper amendments also adjust pH, reduce salt, and add nitrogen for plant health.

Recommended Amendments:

  • Redwood Compost: Consider using 2-3 bales per 100 square feet of soil. This is the most efficient amendment for clay soil as it improves structure and longevity.
  • Gypsum: Helps flush out salts and lightens the soil. Kawaratani recommends 150-200 pounds per 1,000 square feet.
  • Ironite: Adds iron and sulfur, useful for alkaline soils.
  • Perlite: Helps aerate the soil and holds soil particles apart. It should be used with compost for best results.

It’s important to mix the amendments thoroughly into the soil rather than just applying them around the roots of plants. This ensures the soil structure improves throughout the planting area, not just at the root zone.

Avoid These Amendments

  • Vermiculite: Holds water and can cause soil compaction.
  • Peat Moss: Retains too much water and isn’t ideal for clay soil.
  • Sand: When combined with clay, it creates a cement-like mixture.
  • Lime: Increases soil alkalinity, which should be avoided for plants sensitive to high pH levels.

Saving Existing Plants from Root Rot

If your plants are suffering, the issue might be root rot caused by excess water. Root rot can be detected when the leaves appear wilted, brown, or yellow despite regular watering.

To diagnose root rot, you can perform a simple test:

  • Use a soil probe or metal tube to extract a sample from the root zone.
  • Give the soil a sniff. If it smells like rotten eggs, root rot is likely the cause.

To save the plant, Kawaratani recommends punching holes around the root zone to allow excess water to drain. Cut back on watering and fill the holes with sand to promote better drainage.

Plants That Thrive in Clay Soil

While amending clay soil can improve its condition, some plants naturally tolerate clay soil better than others. Here are some plants that thrive in clay soil:

  • Acacia
  • Alyssum Perennial
  • Bamboo
  • Blue Atlas Cedar
  • California Lilac
  • Common Yarrow
  • Crimson Spot Rockrose
  • Dwarf Plumbago
  • Fernleaf Yarrow
  • Western Redbud

Summer Replacements : Sweating causes potassium, sodium and glucose depletion. But sound nutrition can take care of that.

Why Proper Nutrition is Important After Summer Activities

After spending a day at the beach or an afternoon cycling, it’s essential to replenish your body. Even if you’re not feeling hungry, your body needs nourishment after sweating and exertion.

“Although we tend not to feel hungry during the summer, proper nutrition is crucial,” says registered dietitian Becky Posada of St. Joseph Hospital in Orange.

Sweating leads to the loss of potassium, sodium, and glucose, all of which are vital for energy. Fortunately, these nutrients can be easily replaced through a balanced summer diet.

Replenishing Electrolytes and Energy

Here are some tips to replenish what you’ve lost during a sunny, active day:

  • Potassium: Replace lost potassium by drinking a glass of orange juice, apricot nectar, or eating foods like bananas, raisins, potatoes, yogurt, and milk products. Berries, melons, and peaches are also good choices.
  • Magnesium: If magnesium is lost through sweating, replenish it with whole-grain breads and cereals.
  • Glucose: Glucose stores are depleted during exercise, so consume carbohydrate-rich snacks to replenish your energy.

Healthy Summer Meal Plan

Follow a nutritionally balanced meal plan to restore vital nutrients:

  • Stick to Carbohydrates: After an active day, consume about 300 calories of carbohydrates within the first two hours. Suggested snacks include a cup of orange juice and a bagel, or a turkey sandwich with fruit.
  • Avoid Nutritionally Poor Snacks: Limit potato chips, sugary snacks like Popsicles, and focus on balanced meals.
  • Remember the Four Basic Food Groups: At each meal or snack, aim to include items from at least two or three food groups. Adults should have 2-3 servings of the milk group, 5-11 servings of the grain group, 5-9 servings of fruits/vegetables, and 2 servings from the meat/fish/poultry group.

Examples of Balanced Snacks

  • Fruit, bagel, and yogurt
  • Carrot sticks with a turkey sandwich
  • Tuna salad sandwich with low-fat mayonnaise
  • Whole grain cereal with low-fat milk

Starches and Healthy Alternatives

Starches like potatoes, rice, pasta, and bread are excellent sources of carbohydrates. Opt for non-fat toppings like cottage cheese, low-fat yogurt, or vegetable sauces on these foods.

Grill Lean and Healthy Options

You can still enjoy summer favorites like hamburgers and hot dogs in a healthier way. Look for lean versions or grill chicken or fish. Try bean burritos or taco salads made with oil-free tortilla chips and low-fat cheese.

Fresh Fruits and Vegetables

Take advantage of fresh summer produce. Choose dark-colored vegetables like spinach, broccoli, and carrots for the highest nutritional value.

Fluid Choices and Hydration

Staying hydrated is crucial, but be mindful of what you drink. Avoid sugary drinks, caffeine, and alcohol as they can further dehydrate you. Water or diluted fruit juices are the best options.

Vitamins vs. Food

Remember, vitamins cannot replace food. Proper nutrition comes first—vitamins only supplement your diet and should not be relied upon for energy.

Fresh Catnip Is Quite a Treat

Fresh vs. Dried Catnip: What Your Cat is Missing

Freshly grown catnip is far superior to the bland dried varieties you often find in stores, according to Orange County veterinarian Dori Slater. If your cat hasn’t tried fresh catnip yet, he may be missing out on something special.

Fragrant and potent when fresh, catnip has the power to send many cats into an enjoyable tailspin, offering them a burst of excitement or a relaxed, mellow state.

Catnip plant

How Cats React to Catnip

Not all cats react the same way to catnip. According to Mary Lou Heard of Heard’s Country Garden, some cats become incredibly excited and playful, while others become more lethargic and relaxed. This variation in behavior adds to the charm of offering fresh catnip to your furry friend.

How to Dry Fresh Catnip for Later Use

Since catnip is a vigorous grower, you may want to preserve its freshness for future use. Drying catnip is simple and allows you to enjoy its potency even after it’s out of season.

  • Lay the catnip on a cookie sheet and place it in a 150-degree oven with the door slightly open.
  • Let it cook until it is dry and crisp. For convenience, you can leave it in overnight and it will be ready by morning.

Alternatively, you can dry catnip in the microwave, though the oven method retains more of its fragrance.

Dried catnip storage

Storing Dried Catnip

Once dried, store your catnip in tightly sealed plastic bags and keep it in a dry place to preserve its potency.

Winter Fun with Catnip

During the winter months when it’s cold and rainy outside, you can still perk up your cat’s spirits by placing dried catnip inside the toe of a sock. This simple trick will provide a burst of excitement to keep your cat entertained indoors.

Garden Full of Cat Food : Edible Plants Can Delight Feline Friends

Why Your Cat Needs a Garden

If Whiskers is nibbling on your zinnias or rolling around in the dirt next to your tomato plant, it may be time for a garden of his own.

Providing your feline friend with an edible garden has a variety of benefits. A garden offers your cat a special place where he can enjoy fresh air and sunshine while nibbling on a variety of vitamin and mineral-rich plants.

“Providing a secure outdoor garden is a valuable part of good cat care,” says Dori Slater, a veterinarian who has an enclosed garden for her four indoor cats. “Cats love to sleep among the plants, play and watch the world go by. A garden relieves boredom, especially if the owner is away at work all day.”

Health Benefits of a Cat Garden

An outdoor garden provides several health advantages:

  • Natural sunlight stimulates vitamin D production for healthy bones.
  • Daily exposure to light and dark supports normal neuroendocrine functions.
  • Access to fresh air and stimulation can reduce boredom and stress.

Nutritious Plants Cats Love

Many plants cats enjoy are packed with nutrients:

  • Parsley: Vitamins A, B, C, beta carotene, and potassium.
  • Carrot tops: Vitamin A and beta carotene.
  • Spinach: High in calcium and vitamins C and A.

Cat-Friendly Plants to Grow

In addition to vegetables, try these plants:

  • Zinnias
  • Marigolds
  • Johnny-jump-ups
  • Catnip (test first, not all cats enjoy it)
  • Cat thyme
  • Oat grass (a favorite for most cats)
  • Rosemary
  • Bean sprouts

“Oat grass is gentle on a cat’s digestive system and less likely to cause vomiting,” says Slater.

Starting a Cat Garden from Seed

Growing from seed is budget-friendly and safer since you control chemical exposure.

Mary Lou Heard recommends this soil mix:

  • 1/3 potting soil
  • 1/3 peat moss
  • 1/3 vermiculite

Water gently with a fine mist or from the bottom. Cover seeds with peat moss outdoors to protect from birds. Place containers in partial light and avoid letting seeds dry out.

Speeding Up Germination

Create a humidity chamber by placing the container in a sealed plastic bag. Remove the bag once seedlings emerge to prevent fungus.

Germination times:

  • Parsley: 2–5 weeks
  • Carrots: 1–3 weeks (pre-soak seeds to speed up)
  • Oat grass: A few days
  • Catnip and spinach: About a week
  • Rosemary and cat thyme: Usually grown from cuttings

Slater recommends reseeding oat grass every 2–3 weeks for a steady supply.

Managing Catnip

Have two containers of catnip so one can rejuvenate while the other is in use. “Catnip will come back to life. Just cut out the bad parts and give it time,” says Heard.

Plants to Avoid

Some plants are toxic to cats. Avoid:

  • Oleander
  • Poinsettias
  • Yew
  • Lily of the valley
  • Philodendron
  • Azalea
  • Sweet pea
  • Jimson weed
  • Dieffenbachia
  • Large-leaf ivy
  • Mistletoe
  • Cherry
  • Morning glory
  • Iris
  • Mushrooms
  • Rhubarb leaves

Also avoid any plant that produces foxtails, as these can cause medical issues if ingested or embedded in the body.

Safe Fertilizers and Pest Control

  • Use natural fertilizers like blood meal, bone meal, fish emulsion, and kelp.
  • Avoid chemical or systemic fertilizers.
  • For pests like aphids, use water sprays or insecticidal soap and remove affected parts manually.

Avoid chemical pesticides. Slater warns that some, like Snarol pellets, resemble cat food and can be fatal.

Creating a Cat Garden in Small Spaces

Even a small space can become a cat haven:

  • Use side walkways, balconies, or patios.
  • Install a cat door and create access to a container garden.
  • Consider a window box garden with access to fresh air and sunlight.

Cat Garden Enhancements

Make the space more fun and functional with:

  • Enclosures made from PVC pipe and wire (no gaps larger than 2 inches)
  • Fruit tree branches for climbing
  • Scratching posts or cat condos
  • Wicker baskets for sleeping
  • Mobiles or a nightlight to attract bugs

Place the garden where it receives both sunlight and shade, and is sheltered from strong winds.

Brain Food : Cravings Can Be Linked to Pleasant Physical Effects, Good Memories

What Your Food Cravings Really Mean

Is the snack machine calling your name? Maybe you’re craving a Snickers bar, Doritos, or something more exotic like caviar, Brie, or mangoes.

We’ve all experienced cravings—whether for salty, sugary, or spicy foods. Are these urges signs of dietary deficiencies? According to Cindy Daversa, a registered dietitian at St. Jude Medical Center in Fullerton, cravings are usually not about nutrition but emotional associations.

“Your past experience with whatever you’re craving is more than likely a good one,” says Daversa. “Fond memories of a food get you to return for more.”

Lisa Mosing, another registered dietitian and nutritional consultant in Orange and Los Angeles counties, agrees.

“If you wonder why you yearn for a certain food, you may find the answer in your past,” says Mosing. “It could be pudding because your mom made it on rainy days, or tamales on the Fourth of July.”

Why We Crave Certain Foods

In addition to childhood memories, food cravings can be linked to chemical reactions in the brain. Eating a candy bar, for instance, can create a sense of well-being.

“Satisfying a craving sometimes releases a peptide in the brain that triggers mood-elevating chemicals,” says Daversa.

Common Cravings and Their Triggers

  • Sugary foods: Candy bars, cookies, pies, cakes, hard candy, and ice cream.
  • Salty foods: Potato chips, sunflower seeds, and processed snacks.

Food texture preferences also play a role:

  • Comfort foods: Creamy items like puddings, soups, grits, and creamy cookies.
  • Crunchy foods: Chips, popcorn, pretzels, and raw fruits and vegetables.

Cravings in Women

Women tend to experience more cravings than men due to hormonal changes before menstruation. Many crave chocolate and simple sugars to cope with mood swings and anxiety.

“Simple sugars help tryptophan cross the blood-brain barrier, which boosts serotonin and gives a calming effect,” says Daversa.

But the relief is temporary. Mosing warns:

“After eating sugar, you’ll feel good for a while, but then your blood sugar will drop and you’ll feel sluggish.”

How to Deal with Food Cravings

  • Find healthy alternatives:

    • For crunchy cravings: Fruits, vegetables, air-popped popcorn, bread sticks, or whole-grain crackers.
    • For creamy cravings: Sugar-free puddings, fat-free cream soups, oatmeal, and hot cereals.
    • For sweet cravings: Choose unsweetened, low-fat options like frozen yogurt or sugar-free hot cocoa.
  • Stick to complex carbohydrates:
    Whole-grain breads, cereals, pasta, brown rice, and vegetables keep blood sugar stable and boost energy.
  • Offset carbs with protein:
    Proteins slow the conversion of carbs to glucose and promote alertness. Try string cheese, nuts, or a glass of milk.
  • Plan ahead:
    Carry healthy alternatives with you to prevent reaching for candy or chips.
  • Indulge occasionally:
    Don’t deprive yourself completely. It’s okay to enjoy a favorite treat now and then.
  • Watch your portion size:
    Eat just half a piece of cake or a few bites of a candy bar to satisfy your craving without overdoing it.
  • Understand emotional triggers:
    Ask yourself why you crave something—boredom, loneliness, or stress might be the real issue.
  • Seek professional help:
    If your cravings are persistent, unusual, or uncontrollable, consult a physician or dietitian.

When Cravings Signal a Health Issue

In rare cases, cravings may be linked to nutritional deficiencies. For example, an iron deficiency can cause cravings for non-food items like ice, dirt, or even paint. These unusual cravings are more common among disadvantaged women or during pregnancy.

Vegetables for a Sweet Tooth

Gardening: Snow Peas and Carrots Are Easy to Grow and So Delicious They Might Not Make It to the Kitchen

When I was young, I lived across the street from a woman with a large garden. She told me I could eat whatever I wanted, so I took her at her word.

I’d start with the sugar peas, popping the sweet, crisp delicacies into my mouth. Then I’d move to the carrot bed, pulling out the long, crunchy orange vegetables and munching them down. This fresh produce was so satisfying, I didn’t even think about candy—a miracle for a child of eight.

If you’ve never had a snow pea or carrot right out of the garden, you’ve never had a snow pea or carrot. Backyard-grown vegetables far outshine store-bought varieties. Thanks to our mild Southern California weather, snow peas and carrots flourish in the fall, winter, and spring.

Also known as sugar peas, snow peas are expensive in stores—but they’re easy and cost-effective to grow at home.

Snow Peas: Easy and Rewarding

“Snow peas are almost a foolproof crop,” says Stan Tinkle of the California Organic Gardening Club. “They’re tasty—especially stir-fried with sprouts—if they make it back into the house. Often I eat them right in the garden.”

Types of Snow Peas

  • Bush Peas: Shorter and don’t require support.
  • Climbing Peas: Can grow up to 6 feet and require a trellis.

How to Grow Snow Peas

  1. Soil Preparation: Use well-drained soil. Amend clay soil with compost or planting mix.
  2. Seed Prep: Soak seeds in warm water for 6–12 hours to speed germination.
  3. Planting: Sow seeds 1–2 inches deep, spaced 4–6 inches apart.

Protecting Young Plants

  • Cover seedlings with netting or row cover to deter birds.
  • Watch for pests: sow bugs, snails, cutworms, caterpillars, and slugs.
  • Use paper collars or BT-based products like Attack and Dipel.
  • Sprinkle wood ash around plants for pest control.

Trellising for Climbers

Use chicken wire, wood fencing, or netting like Ross Grownet. Tinkle uses 8-foot wire tubes for individual pea plants.

Fertilizing and Watering Snow Peas

  • Apply fertilizer two weeks after planting.
  • Alternatively, use slow-release fertilizer (e.g., chicken manure or blood meal) 8 inches deep before planting.
  • Water regularly but avoid overwatering to prevent root rot.
  • Never water from overhead to avoid mildew.

If mildew appears, spray a mixture of fine ground sulfur and water (1 tsp per quart) after sunset, and rinse off in the morning.

Carrots: Crisp, Sweet, and Best When Homegrown

Store-bought carrots can’t compare to homegrown ones. You won’t find carrot plants in nurseries—they must be started from seed.

Preparing the Soil

“Before planting, do a really good job of preparing your carrot bed,” says Nola Skyler. Hard soil leads to stunted, dry carrots. Raised beds are ideal. Otherwise, work compost or planting mix into your soil.

Preparing and Planting Seeds

  • Soak seeds in hot water or microwave briefly to soften the seed hull.
  • Mix seeds with sand or vermiculite for even distribution.
  • Use a saltshaker or seed tape for easier planting.
  • Plant seeds 1/8 to 1/4 inch deep.
  • Cover with newspaper to protect from water runoff and ensure moisture.

Watering for Germination

Keep soil consistently moist. Germination typically occurs within 1 to 3 weeks.

Addressing Alkaline Soil

According to Mike Graupner, Southern California’s alkaline water (pH 8) hinders carrot germination. Carrots prefer a pH of 6.5.

To lower pH:

  • Add ½–1 cup vinegar to a 33-gallon trash can filled with water.
  • Use a pool test kit to check pH.
  • Use rainwater or plant radishes nearby, which naturally release mild acid.

Thinning and Fertilizing Carrots

  • Thin carrots when 2–3 inches tall using hand-pulling, a rake, or by harvesting baby carrots.
  • Fertilize regularly with compost, fish emulsion, or high-phosphorus organic fertilizer.

Watering Tips

  • Some experts recommend watering only when needed to encourage deep roots.
  • Others suggest maintaining even soil moisture for healthy growth.

Harvesting Carrots

Carrots can be harvested at any size and left in the ground until needed—but use them within 3 months to avoid drying out.